If you love someone, tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.
I live in Texas (for now).
Most of my kinfolk are in Michigan.
Having left Michigan at the tender age of 18, I have rarely gone back. I went to Texas for USAF BMT & Technical School at Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas.
The weather was what many Texans refer to as "Stupid Hot".
After living in the humidity of the peninsula of Michigan where it's cold & freezing cold most of the year, I loved it!
So, I always knew I wanted to go back to Texas, someday. After the events that transpired in 2012, I moved to Texas from Colorado.
Colorado might seem like a great place to live to many people & maybe it is. It was less than a happy place for me. I had the very worst experiences of my entire life when I lived there.
Snobby People
High Cost of Living
Living at 6,785 altitude was hard on me
4 - 6 Bloody noses every day
Stalkers
4 Serious Vehicle Accidents from stupid drivers
(red light runners, people texting & driving etc, I was not at fault)
A divorce
Alienation of my 4 children
My friend Janice was the only one who stuck by me in the divorce.
Everyone else deserted me
A Home Foreclosure
Harassment by Law Enforcement Personnel
That's just the short list of what made life as close to Hell as I hope I ever get.
Colorado is not a bad place to be, it definitely isn't MY place to be.
It's rather ironic that when I went to CO for the months of August & September 2019, to help some people, that I would meet the one I have dreamed of for so long.
He is all that I could ever want or need.
I was happy to get back to Texas, just the same. Maybe, eventually, when the time is right we will be together for the rest of our lives.
Time will tell.
Tonight, I'm thinking of someone else.
The people in my family are not all, close geographically, yet, we are definitely close in our hearts. When we all get together, it's like we each saw each other yesterday even if it's been years, even decades.
My sister is a business woman. Very smart, very good at what she does. Her husband passed on several years ago. She still stays very busy with work, family, life. When she telephones me, I love it. Although, she usually calls to tell me about a death in the family.
She also calls on other occasion as her busy life permits.
I'm simply grateful that she loves me enough to pick up the phone to let me know about important family news.
On July 16, 2017, when she phoned me, I answered with ~
"Hey, sis, who died?"
It turned out to be less funny.
My younger brother, Todd, (11 years younger?) had passed on, she wanted to make sure I found out from her instead of reading it online.
So.....when her face popped up on my celly, I almost didn't answer it for fear of bad news.
My Uncle Jake, who had been married to my Aunt Judy, for as long as I could remember, had passed on. He was actually quite young, still, so, it was a bit of a shock.
Tonight, I gathered the pieces of my childhood which are very few, as I remembered the happier times of my childhood. I had a mostly traumatizing childhood, so, I chose to mull over the happier times.
I sat, remembering family gatherings. Hearing my Aunt Judy's infectious laugh, seeing how my Uncle Jake looked at her. His eyes sparkled when he looked at her as if she was first prize and he had won her.
I don't know much about their private life, however, from what I could see, they both seemed to always be in love with each other. I was just a child on the outside, looking in.
He always had a cute little nick name for her. When she got used to his nick name for her, he would make up a new one.
It was adorable to me.
At times like today, I wish I lived closer to Michigan.
The last time I went to Michigan it was August 2008. I took my 2 younger kiddos with me on a road trip. One day, I took my youngest daughter into the home where I had lived as a child.
Pulling up on my cell phone, Miranda Lamberts song, The House That Built Me, as we walked through that house that the new owners had remodeled into what my mother had wanted so much, to do.
I also introduced her to some very nice neighbors whom I had known for my entire childhood.
It was a very sweet experience.
My son just wanted to go to a skate park, so, we found one for him. My eldest daughter flew in later that evening. That day was a day that was only shared with my youngest child. It was magical!
When 3 of my 4 kiddos were with me at the big annual family reunion, my large extended family were charmed by them. When my children were in their single digits, it was a frequent occurrence for people to stop me to tell me, when I would have all 4 kiddos with me, that all 4 of my kiddos were so beautiful. Ya know? They were right.
My kiddos got some of the very best of their fathers features along with some of my best features. My daughters, especially.
I will say this, my babies never starved & my daughters children will also be well fed. 😇
After the flattery, I would tell my kiddos that they got their looks from their daddy, however, they got their intelligence & good manners from me. I said it & I meant it.
Tonight, I'm looking through the few items I still have, from my childhood. I'm remembering my uncle, hoping my aunt will be okay after being married for almost her entire life.
I know of the trauma, the heartbreak, the difficulty I went through after I ended a long marriage to an increasingly abusive male.
It's very different to lose someone when you're both still in love, to lose them to death.
I have endured both.
Tonight, I want to tell y'all this:
Hug your loved ones who are family by heart or blood or both, every chance you get. Tell the ones you love how much you love them at every opportunity you have.
If you can't find one, then, create one.
None of us knows what tomorrow brings or when our loved ones will meet an end to their lives.
Certainly, I never thought my younger brother or my younger sister would die so young.
Many of my peers still have parents as well as some having grandparents still living. Their parents are the same ages mine would have been if they had stopped their chain smoking, excessive alcohol drinking & unhealthy ways of living. My mother was just a few years younger than I am, now, when she passed on.
Too young to die.
It's heartbreaking to be an orphan at any age.
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