All I Ever Wanted

My own little place in the Hawaiian sun
It's all I could want and so much more
To plant my okole in the sand & be done
Trade mainland cares for a life by the shore

Hula in my heart that moves my hula hips
Surfing all morning long into the mid day
Taste the salt of the ocean always on my lips
It's heavenly to me to spend life this way

If you have tasted the sweetness of Hawaii nei
You might understand even if only in part
My love for all that makes me feel this way
The Hawaii that lives within my heart

(Photos taken by my bff  Texas, Anita Vaughn on the USS Arizona Memorial, May, 2018)

Get in Touch

Are you suffering from the plague?

Yes, it is a plague, is often referred to as a plague as well as an epidemic. Bordering on pandemic. Let's hope it stays there!!!!

Epidemic ~ The rapid spread of disease affecting a large number of people.
Pandemic ~ When an epidemic spreads throughout the world.

Although both conditions usually describe a contagious disease, this epidemic, though not in the viral bacterial sense, is most definitely contagious. It's passed from parents to children, spouse to spouse, friend to friend. Although it isn't in the air or water, although I wonder at times if the air & water do affect the contagion.

The disease is so commonly accepted, it may simply be thought of as just a part of genetics, life in 2020, age,  something to be accepted as well as, at times, embraced.

Some, just some of the contributing factors to this disease are:

~ Hella clever marketing
~ Delicious deception
~ Social pressure
~ The spread of unrelenting disinformation
~ The very substance needed to live is causing it & killing us
~ I'll put BIG Pharma on this list as I believe it to be a contributor

Have you guessed what it is, my oh so clever reader?

The big O.

No, not that big O. Get your noggin out of the gutter. Ha ha!
(Although it truly is sugar & spice and everything nice)

The "other big O" I'm referencing is Obesity!

This subject is so very controversial, studied so widely, bandied about so frequently, feared by many, embraced as fate by many more, it would seem to over saturate the consciousness of life.

Please be kind as I attempt to dissect this insidious plague.

It would have been oh so convenient for moi, personally, to simply accept obesity as my fate, to give in with an "oh well" sigh, reach for another chemicalized bag of chips. Swigging on a diet cola to wash it down. That's an oxymoron if ever there was one!

The thought patterns I had were:

~ I don't touch alcohol
~ I don't take multiple meds whether OTC or prescription
~ I don't smoke cancer sticks or use any tobacco
~ I don't drink coffee as most people do. Coffee, all doctored up with sugar, hundreds of calories, sugary syrups, creamers which are also laden with sugar
~ I don't have that grey cast to my skin that most coffee drinkers as well as the afore mentioned, have.

I must be healthy, right?

Wrong, oh, so wrong.

As a child, often, there was not enough food, healthy food, that is.

My father hated salads although he grew a huge garden every summer. We had some fresh veggies, most of it was canned by my mother, put up for the winter, often shared with neighbors, family.

It was my faux summer vacation. Working in the garden.

There was a lot of fried food, always enough Pepsi & ice cream to go around.

I understand my mothers mindset.

Give the children Pepsi = Love
Give the children ice cream = Love
Dinner at 1630 every day whether she was sick, well, sad, happy, busy, not busy, fry up the meat & taters, Hallelujah! = Love

As I moved out of my parents home, out into the world, there were  a gazillion different food choices that I had never eaten nor heard 
of .

In modern day, I realize this is fairly common. The foods offered in the home when a person is a child are those which the parents like as well as sometimes, could only afford.

Children are expensive critters to raise to adult age. 
Been there, did that.

At one point, as happens to many women, my weight began to climb. I have only experienced this as a female, so, my perspective is from that view. 

There was a turning point for me when I said, 
"Wait, what? That can't be me. NO! It won't be me."

In my early life I was skinny,  naturally. With every sweet baby I gave birth to, my metabolism slowed just a little more.
UGH!

Finally, I woke up, figuratively.

Having never set foot in a gym in my entire life. I was one of "those" girls who felt that sweating was nasty, dirty, stinky. EW!

That attitude was the first one to get rid of.

As I began working with a personal trainer as part of my gym membership, I let myself sweat! Before that point, I would exert myself. When I started to feel the sweat, I would STOP.

F that noise. LOL.

My trainer gave me tidbits of information as she tortured me through cardio, free weights, bodyweight exercises, weight resistance. When we were not training, I was looking up information, wrote down questions for her for our next meet.

Was I sweating? OH YEAH, BABIEZZ!

I have had 7 PTs total since then, some were better than others. I gained a bit more information, a bit more of their own personal information. 
After the dust settled from a deeply painful divorce, I had a very hot  PT, 22 years younger than me. 
As a side bennie, I had a makeout sesh after every workout with him! 
No names, lol.
It was motivation!

There is so much information out there, I began studying the effects of food on the body. Specifically, the effects of different foods on my own personal physiology.
I began to examine the learned behaviors from childhood. The sodas, ice cream, home made bread, fried foods that meant love to me.

As I began to change my unhealthy eating & life habits, I began to hear "the voice." Really, it was more of a feeling, impressions being relayed to me by my very own body.

As a wife & mother, the foods in the house were mainly made to satisfy my childrens father. He had also had a childhood of often scarce food or food that was either fried to death or boiled to death.
I cooked to please him.

F that noise, too.  😁

In my quest to become more healthy, it was an army of opposition. I worked at SAIC where there was a slew of donuts, cookies, cake, candy, sodas, chocolate. There were no fresh fruits or veggies.

I began bringing something healthy to steer me away from it.

There was a girl whose town home was right across from mine. A gorgeous hispanic girl who I will always be grateful to for teaching me how to be single, again. I wouldn't have made it without her!

I could go for days, even weeks, sometimes a month without fast food or processed edible crap. This girl was so much fun, when we were hitting the town, I convinced myself that it was okay.
I had never been one to drink alcohol for a myriad of different reasons. She would tease me, chide me, even pay for my drinks.
She would tell me :
"I'll provide the alcohol, you'll provide the entertainment."

She constantly told me that was a blast of fun when I was drinking!

After a week of no processed sugar, processed or fast foods, home girl would come over, convince me to go out with her. I gave in!
Regretting our good time of the night before. Going for "drinkies & snacks" at Jack Quinn's, then shaking mah boo-tay at Blondies or Southside Johnny's until closing. My sluggish brain, sugar cravings, bloatedness from too much salt would return.
UGH.
It was fun, though!

All good things. R.I.P. Southside Johnny's.

I had relocated to The Broadmoor Area & so, I gave up my gym membership after awhile. Since I still had (& still have) a valid military ID Card, I started going to the Peterson AFB Fitness Center. It was financially advantageous. My lil gold shingle !!!!!

Some of the PTs approached me, I politely declined their "help".

I was getting in closer touch with my body. It was telling me what it needed, what it wanted, what it had to have each time I set foot in the gym.

I discovered Yoga, Pilates. I overcame the intimidation of the elliptical machine for my cardio. I began diversifying between the treadmill, elliptical, stairmaster, stationary bike.
It was a new world!

Along the way, I listened to my body, more closely than ever.

The friendship with the "girl next door" fizzled out so that took away a lot of temptation. It was easier than ever to stay away from the processed sugar.
Then, one day, I did it!

I went through cupboards, pantry, "secret hiding places", refrigerator, freezer. Even my handbags!
Throwing out anything that was processed, mixes, chips laden with salt, processed sugar. I gave it away or put it in the trash.
A fresh start.

I had very little left.

YIKES!

The only candy I kept was some to put in the candy dish on Sundays when my darling daughter would come over for Sunday dinner. After she would leave, I would put the candy in a ziplock bag, put it in the cupboard. Out of sight!
Every Sunday or when I had guests, I would bring the candy out, encouraging guests to have as much as they wanted.

My body felt so good without processed sugars!

Little by little, I began to listen more to what my body was saying. A sort of "Body Wisdom", I s'pose.

When I feel a twinge or a dull ache or pain, I listen to it. I sit quietly, tracing the discomfort to its source.
Getting in touch with the message, guiding me, telling me what I need to do to make the beyotch calm down.  😎

Many people equate Yoga, Pilates, Meditation with evil, with Satanic rituals.
The truth is?
Mostly, the people who believe this are only following blindly, having never understood it nor done it, sheepling along after a person who has never done it nor understood it, either.

During Yoga, Meditation or Pilates is when my body speaks to me the most.
Must be Satan, right?
(Churchlady SNL)

Listening to the messages from my body, encourages to me to get in touch or get in closer touch with my bodys messages.

Get in touch with your own body. It speaks to you:

~ With pain, that something is not right
~ With fatigue when you need more rest
(Denying your body enough rest is just as unhealthy as smoking)
~ With a craving for something healthy
~ With excess phlegm in your throat when you need water
(NOT soda NOT tea NOT coffee NOT sugary fruit juice NOT milk)
~ With a stomach ache when you are troubled

What is your body trying to tell you?
Pay attention or pay in other ways.

Mostly green veggies are your friend.
Pay the farmer today or pay the doctor later. Mm Hm. Yup. Ha ha!

Get in touch.
Peace.

Please, Sir, can we have some more?

Star Trek, specifically Star Trek: Next Generation is an American icon! For three generations in my family we have almost religiously watched the Sci Fi saga unfold over then over again.

When someone or something captures my attention, I investigate. If it's a person, I go to work, gathering intel. Ha Ha!

One of my many quirks is that I like to know who the person is, as a person.

Are they kind?
Are they intelligent?
Are they educated?
How much of the personality of the character or music they play is actually a part of who the person is.

Having known of Sir Patrick Stewart's background for many years, he has, yet again, come to the surface with his reprised role as:
              
   ✨Jean Luc Picard ✨

He is now, in the new series which can only be seen on the CBS All Access platform, Admiral Picard, Retired from StarFleet.

It's too soon for me to form a valid opinion of the series. Patrick Stewarts voice sounds like Winnie the Pooh, to me. 
Less like the formidable, decisive StarShip Captain.

Still, he is, actually a Knight. Yes.
He was Knighted by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in 2010.

So, whether he is commanding a StarShip or not, he is 
Sir Patrick Stewart.
Being married to an American woman, living & working mostly in  the USA, he has wished to get involved with the politics of the USA.
Unfortunately, he would have to have USA Citizenship to do this.
While he would enjoy dual citizenship, one caveat is that he could not hold any royal titles, to do so. 

In a very candid interview, he stated that he didn't want to give up the Knighthood with the perks of having it.

With a mischevious smile, he gave yet another reason. He enjoys calling his wife "Lady Stewart" when she is peevish with him.
He knows full well that she can't hold a title, he says it softens her, well, most of the time. 

If you never knew Sir Patrick Stewarts life story, it's worth a bit of your time.
Caveat: It will make you cry. It's heartbreaking.

This is Patrick with his mum around 1940

Just a bit o the trivia:

 ~ He began losing all the hair on his head at around 18. It distressed him into thinking that no girl would want to be seen with a bald guy still in his late teens or early 20s.

 ~ His first acting role was that of a Russian Military Officer. A job he was embarrassed to have, yet, he took because his windows were leaking, he needed money to fix them.

 ~ His mother had to take his father to court to get him to admit that he was indeed Patrick Stewarts as well as the father of his siblings and to marry her & face his responsibilities.
(Heartbreaking! His father suffered very badly with Military PTSD, was horribly abusive toward his wife, Patrick's mother, which he witnessed a small child.)

 ~ The producer of Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry, did not want Patrick Stewart for the role of Captain Picard. It took some convincing from several others for him to get the role.

~ During the early episodes of STNG, Patrick Stewart didn't unpack his suitcases. He expected to be fired from the role at any time. What pleasant good fortune that they kept him.

~ For all of his roles before STNG, he wore hair pieces. When he took the role of Captain Picard, he realized, he didn't need one.

 ~ His very best friend is a fellow actor Sir Ian McClellan. Such a good friend that he officiated at Patrick & his brides wedding.

He describes himself as a rather shy lad, in his adolescence, unable to speak to girls, always hoping to make a better life for himself as well as, possibly his mother.

I think he has done it right and proper.

Well done! Sir. Well done! 

Réflexions et souvenirs

If you love someone, tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.


I live in Texas (for now).

Most of my kinfolk are in Michigan. 

Having left Michigan at the tender age of 18, I have rarely gone back. I went to Texas for USAF BMT & Technical School at Lackland AFB, San Antonio, Texas.

The weather was what many Texans refer to as "Stupid Hot".

After living in the humidity of the peninsula of Michigan where it's cold & freezing cold most of the year, I loved it!
So, I always knew I wanted to go back to Texas, someday.  After the events that transpired in 2012, I moved to Texas from Colorado.

Colorado might seem like a great place to live to many people & maybe it is. It was less than a happy place for me. I had the very worst experiences of my entire life when I lived there.

Snobby People
High Cost of Living
Living at 6,785 altitude was hard on me
4 - 6 Bloody noses every day
Stalkers
4 Serious Vehicle Accidents from stupid drivers
(red light runners, people texting & driving etc, I was not at fault)
A divorce
Alienation of my 4 children
My friend Janice was the only one who stuck by me in the divorce.
Everyone else deserted me
A Home Foreclosure
Harassment by Law Enforcement Personnel

That's just the short list of what made life as close to Hell as I hope I ever get. 
Colorado is not a bad place to be, it definitely isn't MY place to be.

It's rather ironic that when I went to CO for the months of August & September 2019, to help some people, that I would meet the one I have dreamed of for so long.
He is all that I could ever want or need.

I was happy to get back to Texas, just the same. Maybe, eventually, when the time is right we will be together for the rest of our lives.
Time will tell.

Tonight, I'm thinking of someone else.

The people in my family are not all, close geographically, yet, we are definitely close in our hearts. When we all get together, it's like we each saw each other yesterday even if it's been years, even decades.

My sister is a business woman. Very smart, very good at what she does. Her husband passed on several years ago. She still stays very busy with work, family, life. When she telephones me, I love it. Although, she usually calls to tell me about a death in the family. 

She also calls on other occasion as her busy life permits. 

I'm simply grateful that she loves me enough to pick up the phone to let me know about important family news.

On July 16, 2017, when she phoned me, I answered with ~
"Hey, sis, who died?"
It turned out to be less funny.
My younger brother, Todd, (11 years younger?) had passed on, she wanted to make sure I found out from her instead of reading it online.

So.....when her face popped up on my celly, I almost didn't answer it for fear of bad news.
My Uncle Jake, who had been married to my Aunt Judy, for as long as I could remember, had passed on. He was actually quite young, still, so, it was a bit of a shock.

Tonight, I gathered the pieces of my childhood which are very few, as I remembered the happier times of my childhood. I had a mostly traumatizing childhood, so, I chose to mull over the happier times.
I sat, remembering family gatherings. Hearing my Aunt Judy's infectious laugh, seeing how my Uncle Jake looked at her. His eyes sparkled when he looked at her as if she was first prize and he had won her.
I don't know much about their private life, however, from what I could see, they both seemed to always be in love with each other. I was just a child on the outside, looking in.
He always had a cute little nick name for her. When she got used to his nick name for her, he would make up a new one.
It was adorable to me.

At times like today, I wish I lived closer to Michigan.

The last time I went to Michigan it was August 2008. I took my 2 younger kiddos with me on a road trip. One day, I took my youngest daughter into the home where I had lived as a child. 
Pulling up on my cell phone, Miranda Lamberts song, The House That Built Me, as we walked through that house that the new owners had remodeled into what my mother had wanted so much, to do.
I also introduced her to some very nice neighbors whom I had known for my entire childhood.
It was a very sweet experience.

My son just wanted to go to a skate park, so, we found one for him. My eldest daughter flew in later that evening. That day was a day that was only shared with my youngest child. It was magical!

When 3 of my 4 kiddos were with me at the big annual family reunion, my large extended family were charmed by them. When my children were in their single digits, it was a frequent occurrence for people to stop me to tell me, when I would have all 4 kiddos with me, that all 4 of my kiddos were so beautiful. Ya know? They were right. 
My kiddos got some of the very best of their fathers features along with some of my best features. My daughters, especially.
I will say this, my babies never starved & my daughters children will also be well fed.  😇

After the flattery, I would tell my kiddos that they got their looks from their daddy, however, they got their intelligence & good manners from me. I said it & I meant it.

Tonight, I'm looking through the few items I still have, from my childhood. I'm remembering my uncle, hoping my aunt will be okay after being married for almost her entire life.

I know of the trauma, the heartbreak, the difficulty I went through after I ended a long marriage to an increasingly abusive male.
It's very different to lose someone when you're both still in love, to lose them to death. 
I have endured both.

Tonight, I want to tell y'all this:

Hug your loved ones who are family by heart or blood or both, every chance you get. Tell the ones you love how much you love them at every opportunity you have.
If you can't find one, then, create one.

None of us knows what tomorrow brings or when our loved ones will meet an end to their lives.
Certainly, I never thought my younger brother or my younger sister would die so young. 
Many of my peers still have parents as well as some having grandparents still living. Their parents are the same ages mine would have been if they had stopped their chain smoking, excessive alcohol drinking & unhealthy ways of living. My mother was just a few years younger than  I am, now, when she passed on. 

Too young to die.

It's heartbreaking to be an orphan at any age.

Hello Life

I see life in such vivid, bright colors in present day.

FYI: That's February 2020.

Isn't it ironic that life has come full circle when it's 2020! Hmm?

There was a time when I was in survival mode, a looong azz time. 

Not enough food or water or love

So little feedback from God above

I was alone all day all night and crying

Working hard until I was tired from trying

Giving up on love or finding one decent man

Finding love inside me self loving all I can

The strength of character the purity of soul

Making me making myself become whole

Now my days are sunshine with just enough rain

Committed to my life my own passions again

Yupp, ha ha, peeps, life is good. Imperfect, just the way I like it. Still, quite good.

Having learned & grown a lot, more than ever, now. Knowing my worth & what I bring to the table, I'm fine with eating alone.

Men are wonderful, it has turned out that I walk alone, like a lioness who provides for her own. Like a strong woman, instead of a "nice girl", knowing that I can handle whatever life hands me.

Peace out!