Adulting

 

When I was a child, I didn't think adult life would be a challenge. 

I KNEW it would be.

All around me, I saw the strife of interpersonal relationships, financial worries, health difficulties, fatigue from a long workday, emotional difficulties, mental health difficulties, deep insecurities.

One of my cousins was mentally handicapped. I never knew his exact age. He constantly slobbered all over himself plus anyone within a 6-foot radius around him. He made very expressive noises, he laughed a lot, suffered the occasional cold or flu. He couldn't feed himself very well, he still tried. Sometimes he made it to the toilet, sometimes he didn't.

With all the difficulties in caring for him, my aunt & uncle loved him, took excellent care of him. 

He was a very loved child. The medical people told my aunt & uncle that he would live for, maybe 10 years, more or less.

He proved the doctors wrong!

He lived until he was almost 50 years of age. More or less. I had been out of touch with extended family. When I heard of his passing on, I cried, I loved him so much. Serving in the USAF had taken me so far from the small town in Michigan, life kept me hella busy.

They had 3 more children besides him. They treated him as equally as possible, like their other children, while expecting less from him.

When my aunt & uncle along with their other children visited us, they brought him with them.

Some people might think it would be unpleasant to have this wild child with them when they visited. He was actually quite charming; he was loved & accepted by extended family as much as his siblings. 

He was a very loveable happy guy!

He laughed a lot, he hugged a lot, he made some disgusting noises which was so entertaining. When he made fart noises or really any noise, we all laughed. He would clap his hands, grinning & making his happy noises. It was hilarious!

He was a world class belcher. To get the show started, we would give him warm root beer! 

He would deliver, every time! He belched & laughed, most of us around him would laugh. Sometimes someone would fake belch or deliver a real one, the kind that echoes.

He loved hugs, long tight hugs which delivered enough saliva from him, if you just added some shampoo, you could wash then rinse your hair, maybe your body, too. 

My aunt tried to keep a bib on him, he hated that, often he would rip the bib off then hand it to her & shake his hand at her in triumph! 

Sometimes, when his parents had to get things done, they would put a bib on him that was very difficult for him to take off. It kept him busy for at least 30 minutes or until he figured out how to take it off. This also served to tire him out. When he became tired from trying to take the bib off, he would go to his bed to sleep. Sometimes he would be so tired, he would drop to the floor, where he stood, too tired to make it to his bed. Smart tactics, I thought.

Whatever he was or was not, I loved him! Not like a brother, I was more fond of him than I was of my 3 brothers. My brothers were siblings with the rivalry that naturally occurs between siblings.

He was vulnerable, yet strong.

He loved unconditionally, though he sometimes let others know that he was not happy about something someone said or did.

He had a slight temper, angered quickly, became happy just as quick, all was forgiven within seconds. Big slobbery hugs followed.

When my aunt & uncle, along with my cousins visited, I volunteered to watch over him. Sometimes he liked that, sometimes he didn't. Even though he couldn't talk, he communicated very clearly.

It was my task to make sure he didn't run out into to the dirt road my parents' house was on, to keep him from being hit by passing vehicles. We lived in a somewhat rural area, on a dirt road, there was plenty of acreage to run & play. He was so much fun!

If he became a bit bored, he would drop down to the ground, cry out loudly. That was my cue to think of something fun to do. It was always something simple for him. Yeah, he was easily amused.

Sometimes, I would start pulling weeds up out of the ground, then, shake the bits of dirt from the roots, onto his hair. He would laugh, then do the same thing, sometimes shaking the dirt into his own hair, sometimes into mine. I had to pace this activity as he would sometimes escalate into finding a pile of dirt, then throw double handfuls at my face or his own. 

Sometimes he would start eating it!

There was never a dull moment with him.

If I was not at home when his family visited, things would sometimes get out of hand with him. He may have sensed that I truly loved him. Yeah, the family really loved him, too, all family members understood that he was different, required more patience, sometimes more than any of us had. We still loved him; still understood he was doing all he could.

To put this dynamic in better context, if you have ever seen the movie, "Nell", it gives a clearer idea of what my adorable cousin was like. Except, the character, Nell, was most likely born less mentally handicapped, she seemed to be more of a product of her environment.

She was, just as my cousin was, a pure soul. She had speech impairment though she communicated quite well. She was aware of her surroundings some of the time. Some of the time she was oblivious. It was, sometimes difficult to perceive which.

These were fun charged moments when my cousin visited.

These snippets might give you, dear reader, a bit of insight into some of my fear of going out on my own, into the adult world.

If I were to be injured to the point of becoming mentally handicapped, would people be as understanding of me as everyone had been with my cousin? In life, not all that goes around comes back around.

If I were to marry, then, give birth to a baby with the mental capacity of my cousin, how would I handle it? 

It would be entirely different to have a mentally handicapped child vs occasionally entrusted with watching over my cousin, keeping him entertained & safe.

There are, of course, many different people in the world who are unkind, who have their own agendas. People who harm others for their own self - serving purposes. People who engage in casual sex, robbing, killing, manipulating others to their will.

I have one or maybe more cousins who is like that. One, in particular has been repeatedly incarcerated for 90% of his life. He would serve his jail time, often being released early for good behavior. Within days after he was released, he would rape or commit armed robbery or some such offense. He would be picked up by LE's, back into the pokey.

As ridiculous as this sounds, my particular cousin was (maybe still is) just as charming, adorable, quick tempered then quick to forgive, as my mentally handicapped cousin.

He gave me the same vibes as a spider, biding time in a web for a fly to come along. Just like the fly or other such insect, the future prey would approach somewhat cautiously, get drawn in. By the time the prey was firmly stuck in the web, it was too late. 

My cousin figured out, early on, that he was very attractive, that he appealed to most girls. He was an accomplished pinball wizard, a drummer in a band at a very young age, which appealed to guys who admired his skill. He had a way of drawing both genders in for him to exploit for whatever his purposes were.

I will always remember the "aha" moment when I realized that it was best if I stayed away from him. He really was so multi-talented, it even amazed me!

I went with my parents to my aunt & uncles' home for a visit. My cousin was older than me, he was about 17 or so. He had a new drum set that he was practicing on. He wanted to play the rhythm portion of a certain song; he asked me to listen to it.

It was so fascinating to listen to him, drumming. He seemed to morph into a music God when he played drums. He was self-taught, had such flawless rhythm. When he had played the drum solo for me, he had worked up a sweat from the effort, he actually smelled really good!

I asked him:

"What are you thinking about when you play drums?"

His answer told me all that I needed to know to stay away from him.

" Do you really want to know, it's kinda scary!"

I said, "Sure."

He said:

"Usually I'm thinking about f*cking 6 chicks at the same time or that the drum is a rich guy's head & I'm smashing his skull so I can rob him, go out, have a good time."

It was so truthful, brutally so.

When he said this, I knew to stay away from him.

With strong certainty, I say, members of my extended family are probably smiling, maybe nodding in recognition. Most likely, they know, they remember, exactly who these 2 people were or are. 

These life experiences, early on in my life, made the adult world seem so scary. Akin to a field of land mines that I could possibly step on, be damaged for the rest of my life. It told me to be very careful around people. The ones I thought I knew well, more so the ones about which I knew very little. These experiences told me that the world is full of good, kind people along with predatory people. I realized, early on, that it would often be tricky to discern which was which.

Somehow, I learned to discern this. Though I have encountered more than my fair share of each plus all the variables in between. A burning curiosity combined with a love for adventure can pose problems. It seems that I learned quite well how to navigate, if you will, adulthood.

Although, I see clearly, I have so much more to learn. With the high level of curiosity, a strong desire for adventure, a willingness to take calculated risks, remaining humble & teachable, I'm doing okay.

While many people see being an adult human being as such a drag. Seeing responsibility as a fun sucker, hating their jobs/careers, wanting so much that seems to be out of their reach (material good as well as nonmaterial).

Having a strong sense of optimism & burning curiosity about everything is butt kicking armature for an adult life that is filled with wonders.

Of course, I encounter difficulty, occasionally. Just like the old school child's toy. I may wobble, sometimes get close to falling down.