Perseverance!

One aspect of my mother's personality that is a positive in my life is that I learned from her to persevere. 

Although she did have many "projects" that she never finished, there were hundreds, maybe even thousands that she did finish. She loved to crochet, decorate cakes, sew, garden, arrange flowers. 

She lived so large that when I became of adult age, I thought she was a bit over 6 feet tall! 

Mandela Effect for sure!

That's quite tall as many women are more on the petite side.

Maybe it was because my father was 5 feet tall & she was a few inches taller than him.  She was actually closer to 5' 9", which is still taller than average for most of the female population.

I learned to persevere from her.

While my mother loved to crochet, her mother was more of a home maker & a great cook. My gr grandmother was a bit of a mystery to me, she seemed to be more business minded.

All of these women, parts of my lineage, had something in common. 

Perseverance.

There are reasons for unfinished projects, possibly there are as many reasons as there are people.

Boredom

Frustration

A catastrophic life event

A new baby

A gift that has to be completed that has a deadline, so, other projects have to be set aside

Lost the components, so started another anew

Meeting a new person which I want to give a homemade gift, to, thereby pushing other projects on hold.

Sickness

Weather

The list can go on & on. Did you smile, in recognition, while reading this list? You probably did! I smiled while writing it.

There are so many designers of many items, yet mainly needlework in the corner of my world. 

These magnificently creative artists, crank their gorgeous & tempting designs out so quickly, it seems. 

Having learned that some or maybe even most designers don't stitch the designs that are photographed as finished items to be sold along with the patterns. The designer creates it, then passes the design to someone who proofs the pattern, stitches it for them, for pay - I hope!

The most recent project I finished is a beautiful design by Nora Corbett who also has a few other lines of design such as Mirabilia & Little Stitches. As the very creative fiend that I am, often I make changes to a design to suit my taste. To make it unique.

Beautiful needlework takes a lot of time. Creating it takes a lot of time, focus, attention to details. It also takes perseverance. Some needlework projects can take YEARS to complete. They often represent a portion of the stitcher's life.

In my short life, so far, I have created: 

72 Christmas stockings

Hundreds of Christmas ornaments

100s of samplers, announcements of marriages or births of babies

Samplers of pets for other people

Hundreds of bell pulls

Hundreds of miscellaneous pictures of mermaids, fairies, etc.

Many people who have seen my finished needlework pieces have remarked that they have neither time nor patience to do such fine work.

The truth?

Almost no one has the time. 

People must make the time to do anything. Fine needlework doesn't necessarily take patience as much as it teaches patience. Men and women who enjoy it, can attest to this.

In the world of people who participate in the hustle culture, I hear it all the time. They will recant on how busy they are. Rushing here, rushing there.

So busy, very busy, too busy to -------.

Fill in the blank if you're not too busy.

People must make time for what is important to them. When a person starts telling their tale of how busy they are, it lets others know where they are on the busy-busy persons priority list.

These people have forgotten how to be a human being. They have become human doings.

Ignoring someone who reaches out is the same as pushing them away. The words in this Keanu Reeves meme say it so well.

Many people learn this sad lesson just in time or they only learn it when it's too late. 

It's a sad mistake to believe that your mother or father will always be there. Their lives are finite, just as yours is.

Many children grow to adulthood, become self-supporting, become fully financially independent. They no longer need their parents for very much, they begin ignoring their parents, not caring if the parent participates in important events in their lives.

One or both parents are not invited to important graduations.

One or both will only find out their child got married, afterward.

One or both are not allowed to have contact with a new baby.

One or both will not hear from their children on holidays or birthdays.

Because I have experienced the pain of being left out of those important events & holidays, the pain is so searing, so deep.

Often, weeks, months, even years go by. when they finally do try to contact their parent, they find that the phone number or address is no longer a valid one for their mother or father or both. It's their time to feel the pain of learning that their mother or father or both had passed on & no one thought to tell them. Because there had not been any or very little contact, for a significant amount of time, it led others to believe that the adult child wouldn't care if they were informed or not.

Perseverance comes into play in all sorts of relationships. There are hills, valleys, easy parts, difficult parts. 

It's sometimes tricky to decipher as to when to hang on as well as when to let go.

When you, yourself, are doing the majority of the persevering, most of the reaching out, it's most likely that the relationship is dead or close to it.

I will liken it to a car that you buy when it's shiny, new, such a schweet ride. You have a lot of good times with it. If, after a while, the car won't start regardless of how much petrol you pump into the tank, pay for the petrol, it's safe to believe that it's a waste of time & money.

Person to person relationships are the same. It's important to preserve your self respect by walking away.

It's important to know just when to persevere the long silence & when it's moot.

How do you persevere? When do you persevere? 

Ask yourself questions.

When an inanimate object (something that is not a living thing) served you well, at first, it was enjoyable, an attachment was formed. It can be difficult even near impossible to let go of.

Often, the same attachment is formed with a person or people. Hanging on, persevering, remembering happy times with the person. Balance is crucial.

Both people must participate in giving & taking.

If the balance shifts, it's nearly imperceptible at first. When the balance stays unequal for a long period of time, one person will continue reaching out, hoping for the beauty of the balance in the relationship to be restored.

This can happen between, sadly, parents & their adult children, siblings, spouses, friends. 

The great disconnect is painful. 

I have experienced this, many people do.

Should you persevere?

It's often a very difficult dilemma to experience.

In childhood, when 2 children are friends, then, one child no longer wants to play, while the other still does. Pain & sadness follow.

The pain that is experienced is the same as if the non-player died in front of the one who still perseveres. 

Whether the death of the relationship involves a shunning, the infamous ghosting, a romantic break up, a marriage, even losing a career or job.

The pain is the same, in varying degrees.

Often, these disconnects act as a springboard to a better event.

As I navigate this glorious gift of life, maybe, just maybe, I have learned when to hold & when to fold.