Having left my parents home at age 18, I had nearly zero life skills. No knowledge of cooking, cleaning, putting gas in a car, paying bills, managing time & money (sometimes they are the same thing). I didn't know that if you don't pay your phone bill that the phone company would terminate your phone service.
The doctor who delivered my first baby, at age 23, realized that I didn't know how babies are born. I knew how the baby got in there, my husband put her there. I had no foggy clue how the baby was going to get out. I was naïve to the point of embarrassment.
I didn't know how to cook. As a result? My dog wouldn't touch the food I cooked. He would smell it, groan, give me a look that said:
"I think I will pass, hooman."
Then, the dog would walk away, stick his head in the dog food bag, crunch-crunching away. Happily, my cooking skills have improved!
For this reason, I did my very best to teach my four darlings, in the time I had with them, as many life skills as I could. I was not a perfect mother, if you ask any of them, ha ha! They will tell you! They will tell you of the mistakes I made, all 4 different versions!😁
Along with life skills, I taught my progeny to be independent. Three lovely daughters & one handsome son. 💙
(Many times I told my kiddos that they got their looks from their father, they got their sharp minds from me!)
Teaching children from day 1 seems like an obvious principle. It seems like they will be forever in your care, that they will listen to their parents with wide eyed acceptance, even wonder, for life!
Umm, nope!
It usually starts out that way, most of the time it changes for a period of time. Sometimes they begin to listen to their parents, again. Most often, not. It's a normal, natural, mode of healthy development.
A phrase I used to hear a lot, from parents, usually when their children were, 12 - 21:
"The perfect child would be one that was buried at 10, dug up at 30."
The phrase is extreme, if you are a parent, I bet you just smiled, you might have also nodded your head in jesting agreement.
If not?
Lighten up!
Of course, this is something that should NEVER be done, it's kinda fun to think about if only to preserve sanity during the teen years.
I wish that my children as well as many others of adult age would listen to me, to their parents. Those days are gone.
My second born, is a lovely daughter who dealt surprises constantly. I thought she was going to favor my side of the family, physically. In some ways she does. My mother was born with bright red curly hair. At 3 months of age, as the hair on my baby girls head grew, it began to fall in the prettiest, perfect ringlets all over her head! Little brown ringlets with small streaks of red from my mother.
Her hair looked like a halo. It was (still is!) so beautiful.
To add to the beauty of it, she had natural red streaks in her hair. My mother had the same curl to her hair, except my mothers hair was a bright red which mellowed to auburn as time went on.
I remember holding my daughter for the first time. I was so amazed at how physically strong she was, how she could grasp my thumbs & pull herself up at less than 48 hours after being born.
So, it began.
She was a strong willed, determined child with a dance she did to her own music. I was determined to teach her all that I possibly could in the time I had her, to help her when she got out in the world on her own.
She was born at Kapi'olani Medical Center, Honolulu, HI.
I knew that it was important for her, as well as whatever children I had, to know how to be a strong swimmer! The family theme seemed to be that we all loved being around water. A pool, the ocean, etc.
When our military family was living in Kaiserslautern, Germany the Schwim Bads (Public swimming pool) were fantastic! Tiffany was only 6 years old, she was a very proficient swimmer. I had no problems with throwing coins into the 16 ft section of the pool for her to dive in to retrieve the coins.
Everyone else was horrified!!!!
They had no foggy clue how strong my girl was! She had learned to swim at around the same time she learned to walk at around 1 year old. She was a great swimmer, she was determined to get the coins. She believed she could, so, she did.
These events probably give you a good idea of who she is.
Of course she is more than just a beautiful young woman with curly hair, a strong will, sharp wit, an intelligent mind, kind heart, a successful USAF - NCO with a gorgeous singing voice.
So much more.
Another theme in the family is that we loved to watch Star Trek, starting with ST: The Next Generation! This love for ST was definitely fostered by dear family friends, who recorded all 7 seasons of STNG then, sent them to us! It was a real treat to pop the popcorn & sit, together, watching the story unfold. We were "Engaged".
In present day, I still love Star Trek.
I divorced in 2007, moved on. Still love the stories of Star Trek.
The newest franchise in the series is Star Trek: Discovery. I was a bit unsure of it at first.
Then?
The magic began to happen.
Michael Burnham is African American, my Tiffany is what is referred to in Hawai'i as hapa haole. Half caucasian, half of one of the people of Asian races that have made their home in Hawai'i.
That's one of the few major differences!
Someone once referred to Tiffany as a beautiful Hawai'ian princess.
The character of Michael Burnham (a female named Michael, yep!) could easily be my daughter, Tiffany. Michael Burnham is fierce! She was raised as a Vulcan as the daughter of Sarek & Amanda. Also? The unofficial sister of Spock. Yes, THEE Spock! Michael excelled at Suus Mahna. Vulcan martial arts. Tiffany loves Jiu Jitsiu!
The character is just as kind hearted as she is fierce, she's whip smart with a very quick wit. Having never heard Michael Burnham sing, it's undetermined if she has a pleasant singing voice.
OMGoodness!
The first time I heard Tiffany sing the national anthem at a sporting event at her high school..............I was completely blown away! She definitely got that from her father. I sing best when I sing tenor.
Ten or twenty miles from the nearest life form!
As I outlined in the experiences & descriptions above? I raised my children to be independent, free spirits. I raised them with life skills to get out there to make their positive contribution to the world. I raised them to forge a full, beautiful life for themselves.
As a result?
I don't see any of my children even once per year, which was very hard to get used to as well as sometimes is still painful. My youngest phones me every Sunday which I love & cherish. She makes the strongest as well as most successful attempts to get together in person. If I reach out to my son, he is always there, reaching right back! My eldest is married to a man who dislikes me, is very possessive of my daughter along with their children, thwarts attempts I make to stay connected to my daughter & their 4 children, another painful situation I had to adjust to.
When I sit down to watch ST: Discovery, it feels like I'm spending time with my fiercely beautiful daughter, Tiffany. Especially, in Season 3, okay mostly Season 3. In it the character of Michael Burnham is more developed, more mature with deeper understanding of life. What it means to be alive, to love, to suffer loss.
Also, to rise up!
This is more about the meaning of my daughter, to my heart. I have a good life! As one of those people who prefers to live at a slower pace, always have, I still have a full life that allows me to take time to enjoy! My work schedule could consume my entire existence if I allowed it.
After a 12 - 20 hour stretch in a work assignment, I like to relax with working on a needlework project.
Firing up the smart TV goes along with that.
When I have Star Trek: Discovery playing, it feels like my daughter, Tiffany, is sitting right there with me. It's far from the same as spending actual time with her irl. It is what I have, it helps me to miss her a tiny bit less.
Spending an evening with Tiffany.
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