What To Say

If you were here with me I would ask you for your American Eagle T Shirt. I loved the way it looked on you. Stretched across your pecs that were visible even through your shirt. 

I would wear it constantly just because.  

You were always such a cool guy, so composed. The ride or die sort of friend. I miss the times you visited when we ate too much pizza, watched Star Trek together until we fell asleep on the living room floor. 

Although you acted like you hated "The Unit" I saw your smirk when they got it wrong, saw you blush a bit when they got it right. You said you could read me like a book. Back atcha, buddy! 

I loved you in the only way I could. As a dear friend. My heart is locked up tight.

You knew what it was going to be like from the beginning. I had my heart broken too many times, wouldn't risk it again. It was tempting though I knew that if it didn't work out, I would lose a great buddy.

Never, would I have believed that I would lose you, anyway.

At this time of year, I think of you. I wonder if you would have met a great woman who would appreciate a guy of your high caliber. Maybe you would have married her, had a couple kids. You would have been such a great father! Having hoped for that for you, I would have loved to arrange the foods for your wedding reception. My chocolate fountains would have been such a hit!

Hey, do you remember the time I broke out the chocolate fountain just for you?

You were a bit sad after your daddy died. Your birthday was coming up; you weren't going to be in town for it. I'll always remember the look on your face! 

I knew you would hate a surprise party. 

So, it was a surprise party with just me & you. It was so much fun! You ate that chocolate until you were sick. I knew why you took a walk by yourself, just out in back of my house. It was funny in a sick way.

I saw a guy in town last week, he was wearing an American Eagle shirt, my heart skipped a beat. Then I realized it couldn't be you. Maybe your mama sold your clothes at a yard sale & he was wearing your shirt.

It could happen!

It looked better on you.

So here I am, missing you, my friend. Whenever I hear Rascal Flatts music or The Star-Spangled Banner, I get a bit misty eyed. 

Fast Cars & Freedom.

Your favorites.

Even when I make pizza, I put pineapple on it because it's something I know would have set you off. Secretly, I liked to yank your chain.

Is there pizza in heaven

Is there American Eagle shirts

Is there a guy with a killer smile

One who doesn't mean it when he flirts

Is there an old beat up truck

Is there someone who drives me crazy

Is there someone as funny without even trying

One who works hard then says that he's so lazy

Is there someone I never knew I'd miss

Is there someone that is faithful all the way to the end

Is there someone who loves his country as much as you have

One day I hope to see in the next life as I hope I'll see you my friend

Fly high, my ride or die!

When You're Happy

When you're happy as I am 

The world is a better place

Colors seem brighter

It shows on my face

So many years ago I wished

For the life that I have now

Hoped to get here someday

Though I wasn't sure how

Doubters tried to hold me back

Raining on my parade

Ousted them from my life

The ones who love me stayed

My days are sweeter now

Burdens seem much lighter

People think I'm a sweetheart

Actually I'm a fighter

Clawed my way out

From a life full of pain

Too many times to count

Then built it up again

Now I only do as I please

Which is the hope of some

Had to work so long for it

To the beat of my own drum

Pain is Pain

When your heart is hurting so deep

You can't eat you can't even sleep

Let yourself ask what it's about

Then cry about it cry it all out

If you're a woman or if you're a dude

Still feel it to resolve this inner feud

Guys can feel the emotional pain

Though the world tells them it's in vain

Women can be the ones who are strong

Forge their own way refuse to go along

Deep inside we all have our soul

It's a desire to simply be whole

Tell the world to suck your socks

You can be you after all the hard knocks

Remember that flowers grow from the rain

In spite of the work the sweat the pain

When it has passed in the spirit of this ilk

In time even green grass turns into milk

The Times of Life

Sometimes the day comes to let people go, even if you still love them, even if.....even if. Friendships are precious yet only when they are mutual.

When you both help each other.

When the ties that bind are regularly renewed.

If you are both better people because of each other.

Your values align.

Conversations from long ago can resume.

Both people valuing each other.

Being there for each other is a surety.

You can be of different religions, different lifestyles, differing political views. Still, the love for each other, the ties that bind.

It's all still there as it has always been no matter what.

In my short life I have had so many great people who I have been so happy to truly call my friends. There have also been a few times that I had to realize that, though I was there for certain people, they were not there for me. A friendship that started out well, devolved into something unwell. Like a sickness that starts out as a tickle in the throat. Then, becomes more until it's strep throat or much worse.

Though I had been happy around them at the start, it became that I was a sadder person because of them.

That, I felt more like I was being used by them.

It's a sad thing, while it's also a necessary thing to let them go. Let them find their helpers, their happiness, their people somewhere else.

When the realization, while in a session with a skilled counselor, hit me, it was brutal. Up to that point I had wracked my brain, thought deeply, why my adult children act the way they do, toward me.

In that counseling session, the realization that they treat me in the way their father taught them to, by the way HE treated me.

Children learn what they live.

Children learn by example, then, carry it into adulthood.

Their father often said, 

1."You don't have to do what your mom says, she never knows what the hell she's talking about."

2. Go outside & play, you can do your homework later, I'll deal with your mom.

3. It's okay to lie to your mom, it keeps her from getting angry.

4. You kids are my blood; your mom is just a wife.

Of course, as an attempt to deflect accountability for his actions, he denies ever saying this. His practice of setting up a camera to video routine days in our home, has clear audio of him saying these horrible things. Maybe he just hired an actor to portray him? NOT.

Unfortunately, my second daughter picked up this trait from him.

Saying something never happened or denying that they said something, to escape accountability often comes back to bite them.

Possibly, my children are unaware as to why they have little respect for me. Their attitude toward me was learned from their father from an early age. Three of my 4 children treat me the way their father taught them to treat me, one of them has realized that the way she was taught to treat me, is wrong. That their attitudes of disrespect & devaluing me, were what was taught to them by their father.  Together, she and I worked, really worked to have the tight bond that we have.

As much as I deeply love all 4 children, tolerating the lack of regard for me would be wrong on my part.

Spending the first half of my life I worked, struggled to eke out even a little love, acceptance, kindness from my parents. It would never happen, so, when I realized this, it was necessary to let go.

With my children who are now adults, I had to make that same determination. 

The way they & their spouses treated me caused so much deep, soul eating pain, I had to let go of them. Had to stop crying when it was Mother's Day, my birthday, Christmas, etc.

Treating their mother with a lack of love is on them. If I continued to accept the treatment, that would be on me. So, I stopped accepting it.

It's very different with my youngest child. She came to the realization as to what formed her attitude toward me. It was something she had to discover for herself. 

The mutual love, respect, kindness, care that we have between us is what I have. Better to be grateful for who I do have instead of crying over who I don't have. 

Letting go of those we love can be hard yet when it's necessary, it feels so good once it's done. You are a kind person, a valuable person, even a wiser person when you realize this then let them go. You will keep those people in your life who truly care about you, whom you truly care about. People who you would give your blood to save, your money to provide relief if that was, indeed, what it took because you care.

People who fail to show courtesy, love, etc can be your parents. Your siblings. Your grown children. Relatives by blood or marriage. These connections can only carry such weight to a certain point. Then, one day, you realize that the connection has died either on one side or by both people.

It's wise to let go. Never beg someone to care about you.

When those same people don't feel the same or it's obvious that they are disproportionate takers, that's when it's time to let them go. Life gives us all twists & turns. It's tricky at times, to navigate. Navigate is a skill in itself. Without navigating our lives we can easily be navigated by others for their assorted, often nefarious purposes.

Learn to be definitive in your opinions, your decisions, your likes & dislikes. It will serve you well.

Some readers might have thought it would be a poem.

Hah!

This morning, these are just some thoughts I had.

Thank you for reading.

Need To Know

As this is being written, it's midsummer. Far from a poetic midsummer night's dream with Titania & her fairies. It's ~

House Flies

House Flies

More House Flies

One on my neighbors (no names) had no problem with moving their compost pile away from their house. As in, over the property line of the property I'm renting.

NOT my landlady who is next door street wise.

Although I'm renting, I still have certain property rights. As in, if occupants of a property close to the one I'm in, move their compost pile over the property line, I pay to rent it, it's still in my rights.

As each summer has started, it has been the same sh*t.

They move the compost pile close to me, so, I get the house flies. One aspect of life that bothers me the most is - HOUSE FLIES.

Going to the occupants to ask them to move it back every summer is quite rude on their part. It's also annoying along with the plethora of house flies.

ICK

Although the remainder of flies are here, just have to get rid of them.

A method of getting rid of them is:

Use a fine spray bottle, they can't launch with wet wings.

Set a bowl of warm water & something sweet to attract them then they drown.

Gather energy, then kill the nasties.

Eventually, the flies will either be disposed of or they will hibernate to procreate when warm weather returns.

UGH!

Until then, some methods I use:

Ground Cinnamon sprinkled in trash repels flies.

Peppermint Oil repels rodents & other disgusting creatures.

(roaches, beetles, silverfish, slugs etc)

Lavender Oil repels all biting, stinging flying nuisances.

Wild Orange oil swabbed around entrances repels insects

Eucalyptus Oil disinfects, leaves a pleasantly clean scent.

Now, to be a bit sexist:

It's said that most men dislike scents that are deemed to be more feminine.

Jasmine

Rose

Lavender & Rose Blend

Most floral scents are deemed as feminine.

To attract?

Many scents that are said to be pleasant, even slightly masculine by many are:

Lavender

Leather

Patchouli

Vanilla

Wild Orange

Lemon

Vetiver

Sandalwood

Disclaimer ~ Using these oils may not bring guys to your home in droves (that would be super scary)

However, they are scents most guys like.

Many people think of Texas as the whole state being hot & dry all over, all the time. Living in North Texas, I can say, it is somewhat humid as well as very hot in the end of spring, most of summer. It cools off to more pleasant temps around the end of September. Many Texans LOVE the weather of October - February when it's just cool enough, still warm. Might need a jacket, keep one in the car.

As a result, the beetles & bugs might find a way indoors in October, that's when I place cotton balls soaked in pepppermint oil in cupboards, around windowsills. Swabbing peppermint oil around doorframes also helps to keep most of the critters out.

The only time I wish I had a guy in the house is when I see one of those big beetles, scorpions or spiders that got in. Although I can take care of it on my own, it would be nice to be a distressed damsel. Even if only until the critters were disposed of.

Maybe someone ought to invent live-in-guy on demand. Get him out when needed, stow him away when no more critters are invading.

Kinda like a video streaming subscription. Entertainment on demand.

Unfortunately, it is something that has yet to be invented if ever.

Other need to know information might be this.

Yes, you may be a girl of any age. You can still get rid of bugs, scorpions, even rattle snakes on your own. A few years ago I had taken a 2 week trip. Being happy to be home, I stepped inside, heard an odd sound. Then I heard it, again. It was originating from a tall, round, metal rubbish bin. 

I knew that sound.

Very slowly, I inched toward the bin. It was, just as I thought it was. A rattlesnake, coiled in the bottom of the bin.

Panicking was a non-option, wishing it would go away on its own was even less of an option. I had to woman up & take care of it.

Grabbing a broom with a long handle, the striking distance of a rattler of this size, I calculated, was 3 feet. The long broom handle was 6 feet. Reasonably safe. Very slowly, moving the broom pole through the slots on both sides of the metal bin, moving toward the front door, stepping outside, rapidly releasing the bin so that the snake slithered safely out & away.

Was I scared?

Heck yes!

Was I shaking?

Absolutely.

Hadn't gotten my rattler vaccination caught up. (just kidding!)

The situation was frightening, could have gone from bad to worse. I handled it because I had to. It's far from something I'd do for fun.

As a girl who chooses to remain single, it accompanies the lifestyle.

In todays world, women who choose to overcome the urge to merge can take care of such situations just as well as a guy can. We can take care of house flies, rattle snakes etc.

As for unwelcome human visitors ~ I have a 105 lb male Doberman with a bark like thunder. 

My Doberman is the only man I choose to have in my life.

Locked in or Locked out

It seems like a simple concept.

Step 1

Gear up

Step 2

Put some motivating tunes on if you can

Step 3

Give yourself a small task to get the mojo going

Step 4

If that was a no go, give yourself another small task

Step 5

If that also crashed & flopped change up your music

Suggestion 1

Take a cold shower or get into an ice bath

2

Take yourself back in time or forward in time to when you felt so motivated, it came together

3

If you can, rearrange your furniture, then take a 10 minute walk

Arriving back home will give the sensation of walking into a new place. Newness does it for me the best.

4

Set a timer then start a task. When the times up, stop, drink a glass of cold water. Repeat.

5

Change the music it can change your mood

6 

For me, if these won't launch, I turn to a workout supplement, depending upon the time of day. Notice that this is #6. 

When all else is keeping the mojo from launching.

7

Step back, look at what you accomplished whether great big or itty bitty.

These words, these suggestions are as much for my personal use as they are for anyone reading this. Motivation can be elusive, it can seem difficult to summon. It's also free. It's up to you to remove your own mind blocks to accomplishments.

PEEPS!

Knowing how hard life can be is just as true as how hard a person can make it for themselves. The happy-happy is that a person can also create that which will ease the stuckness of life that can stop us from doing that which will aid us in our success. Whatever that success is or looks like for each individual.

As I have moved through time (getting older is optional) developing a "Let's do the thing" attitude has been a helper. A gift to me from me just because knowing that regret is one of the strongest emotions.

As I do this from time to time, it clears the "stuck" feeling. As I climb aboard the "I'm doing this" from the "I wish I could" the feeling of "I got this" pushes the he/she's stuck away.

We are all in this together, wherever you are, whatever your life situation is.

I believe in you.

You can do the thing.

Get ready to go do it, slayer!

I Could Be...

Ripe papaya melts like butter in my mouth. Remembering how much I loved it the first time I had it, straight from the tree at someone's home in Hawai'i. Have loved it since then. Papaya from Hawai'i tastes the best, though if the only papaya I can get is grown elsewhere, I'll take it.

It's those moments, savoring papaya, it seems I could be happy as someone who followed a vegetarian or vegan way of life.

I could be.

Freshly sliced up mango is such a delight for the taste buds. Mango can be very acidic, strongly flavored or mild. Either way, it can replace any sweet treats such as chocolate, cake or cookies any time. It has a slightly tangy, slightly earthy flavor. As long as it's somewhat firm. The mushy ones are over ripe, only good in a smoothie. 

Just one of these gems makes it seem that I don't ever want chicken or steak or salmon ever again. It's that good.

Guava is an experience unto itself! It's a bit seedy, grainy, yet the flavor is such a mouth explosion. Natural guava is far less sweet than the juices sold in stores. A lot of sugar is added to it.

The travesty in that is that all you taste is sugar, the flavor & texture is lost in all that high fructose corn syrup.

Give me the actual fruit over all that sugar, any time.

Lilikoi is known by its more common name, passion fruit. How the name went from something beautiful that drips like honey on the tongue to something, so common sounding is a bit sad. Like most tropical fruits, it has lots of seeds that have to be cleansed out to get to the flesh. Like guava, the natural flavor is far less sweet than the commercially sold passion fruit products.

In Hawai'i, there is a bakery known for their Lilikoi or Guava Chiffon cakes. Dee Lite Bakery on Dillingham Blvd, Honolulu, HI.

I remember it well! 

They also have other locations, look it up next time you are in the neighborhood. 

Their cakes & pastries are loved all over the islands.

Oh, if I go back to visit, I will have to get some.

Lychee is not native to Hawai'i, it's still so delicious to me, fresh off the tree. When I have gone to the Aloha Stadium Swap Meet, it was the best place to get fresh lychee that had been freshly picked. Lychee is funny that way. The flavor changes the longer it has been since it was separated from the tree. The fleshy fruit once the rind is peeled has a very mild flavor compared to other tropical fruits. When I ate it, I ate it by itself as the flavors of anything else would overpower the natural lychee experience.

The flavor is citrusy with a hint of watermelon or a cross of strawberry, pear, even a hint of rose petals.  

Yes, I must include avocados! Those gold mines of nutrition are so under rated! For many years, even when my money was low, I ate one small avocado most days. Some days, I ate only half, the money was well spent. Though some people prefer to add it to a smoothie or make guacamole, I prefer to just cut it in half, remove the pit, scoop it out of the shell with a spoon. The health benefits of fresh, ripe avocado are so numerous, listing them here would be a blog entry on its own. So, those of you who think it's too cost prohibitive? 

Pay the farmer today or pay the doctor & big pharma later.

Though watermelon isn't tropical, it's one of those I can eat every day. It's as healthy, nutritious & beneficial as it is tasty.

Every Saturday, sometimes Sunday, I buy a watermelon, cut it into bitesize chunks, keep it in the fridge. It staves off sugar cravings. What is lesser known about watermelon is that it has a high amount of L- arginine. An appetite suppressant.

An amino acid that helps the body build protein. Watermelon is also very high in antioxidants which ease the effects of human aging. 

Vitamins C, A & B6 are also present in high amounts.

The fiber & water is also a really good reason to regularly chow down on a bowl of fresh watermelon. 

When I saw that my Doberman puppy, PJ, loves watermelon, I started buying the seedless variety. The seeds can cause intestinal blockage. This can even result in death for a dog. Seedless for us.

Here's a bonus:

To choose a sweet, juicy watermelon. Look at the "navel", the spot where it was picked from the vine. Look for the smallest dot of a navel. It should be heavy, symmetrical, with a few yellow spots that indicate it ripened on the vine so, it will be very sweet, juicy.

People often remark that my skin is very glowy. That I look younger than my chronological age. 

Am unsure about all that. What I do know is that I guard my health very closely. 

People often comment that I don't have crow's feet around my eyes.

That the skin on my neck is so smooth.

Marionette lines are barely there.

Beauty is fine, I just want to be so healthy that I go to sleep one night, then don't wake up the next day.

What a great way to go if I must.

With so much goodness from the earth that can benefit the human body, bless it with such good nutrient. Yes, please!

Personally, I believe that the time that I lived in Hawai'i affected me in so many ways. Most of them are highly beneficial. Mainly, I learned to love the abundance of fresh fruit, fresh veggies.

I could easily be vegan or vegetarian.

A bit of humor.

Relationships & Situationships

 

Those who cease to love you will drop away as time passes

Those who you cease to love will also drop away with time

Moving forward to places with much greener grasses

To grow to change to be thalamic if you suppose

A person stops reaching out or stops reaching back to you

Or the relationship has run its full course in your life

Sometimes hurting a heart that was lovingly true

Freeze outs tell you, you don't matter to them

When a relationship becomes one sided it's dead

It's evolved into one person just using the other one

Only with their permission it's so often said

Teaching them what you will only accept

It can be happy or moot or sometimes even can be sad

Like the true words to Michael Jacksons song

Why don't you just scream and shout too bad

In your life for a reason or a season or for your whole life

Whether you still love them in your heart and mind

Whether a friend a sibling husband or a wife

Too bad Too bad too unhealthy to stay

Letting go is a principle that's easier to say than to do

We see it in yard sales murders broken hearts

Set them free with the words I release you

Love them though they are gone

Pain & Pleasure

Pleasure before pain can sometimes work out

Pain before pleasure can often work in

Though many scholars may be so in doubt

Saying that to skip suffering is such a sin

Let us see if pleasure first is truly so wrong

Test it out yourself if you desire to dare

Excess revelry in dancing drink with song

An attitude of not bothered enough to care

The party before the pains all set in

Pride that remains after the long slow fall

It wasn't such a disdained human sin

Was deliciously worth the pain after all 

The Hand

The hand that holds the leash must be firm yet kind

If the one who is leashed will learn to pay mind

For a beast is still a beast who must do as master says

Happier in life when the pretty fur beast obeys

If only it were that simple for two beings so unalike

Spending endless days in fetch or going on a hike

Our fur babies are at the mercy of some who can be mean

Who at times abuse where they cannot be seen

They cannot talk to say if they are suffering or well

Oh if only they spoke as humans with the tales to tell

All that can be done is for each of us to be

The sort of person in private like the public one they see

Pain inflicted on babies who walk on all fours

Hurts them more as their lives are shorter than ours

Many would forfeit their lives protecting another being

From dangers that a person might not even be seeing

Scratching their backs or their bellies if you must

If you are lucky enough to have gained a fur baby's trust

A bit of chicken in their twice per day kibble

Giving them a treat of some cheese just a nibble

That is all it takes to make these lovely little ones happy

A paw at your thigh or a joyful nosing in your lappy

His life will be shorter than mine, my PJ, well I know

So, I cherish him always just enjoying watching him grow

 

Going More Global

How do you see yourself?

Oh, there's the mostly obvious.

Male

Female 

Race

Height

Weight  

Ethnicity

I see myself as a small-town girl who made one very influential decision that has shaped my life for the near entirety of it.

I'm average in looks, way above average in smarts. After my last official IQ test, the score was 189.

WHOA!!!!!

Although I'm a polyglot 5, learning languages is easy for me. Though I do have to apply myself a little, just a little! It's my bread & cream cheese, my needlework obsession enabler, my puppy kibble, my...............

I think you get the gist.

Recently, my blog stats have shown that my dear readers, that means you. YES YOU! My readers are from 70 countries! Seventy!

 

Hoollee smokes!

Never would I ever have thought that my writing, my musings of a creative sort would interest anyone that much. 

Ah guess ah was wronngg.

Some of them might be scammers who are data mining.

Yeah, buddy, just try! If you enjoy wasting your time.

Having helped over 200 people to see through the stunts that scammers pull, I won't say no one can scam me. I can only say that they would have to work so hard to do it. It would probably take 6 teams a whole year. 

One aspect of my life that would make it difficult is that I will NEVER hand over money to anyone I don't personally know & love unless I'm face to face with them in real life. In the flesh or no biscuit. Even then. I will only give, never lend.

No zoom meeting or skype or face time. Nope.

Plus, since I worked so much to be in a mindset of being happy being single & celibate since 2012, there is nothing any romance scammer could offer me that I would ever want.

Having my dream career, making enough cheddar to provide for myself, helps. Being just as happy in my own company as I would be if I had a romantic relationship is also a big help. Having PJ as company is such great joy for me. He is so smart, so sweet, so playful, loves me no matter what. Every day he changes just a little.

He constantly amazes me.

Some people have told me that the appeal of my blog is that I'm so sincere. That I'm very open without over sharing. I'll leave the over sharing to Val! Ha ha!

Maybe it's because I'm genuine as well as genuinely happy in a world where so many seek it, yet it eludes them.

Who I present myself as being in this blog is who I am in real life. During fauxvid lockdown, I gained weight that I'm still struggling to lose. Thanks to PJ, I have lost half of it. I cancelled my gym membership permanently. PJ keeps me very active. One hour at the dog park every day. He runs the length of the fenced in area. Sometimes I run it with him. Most of the time I walk it! A minimum of 10 times from the front gate to the back fence, sometimes even 20.

I'm on the Doberman Fitness Program.

Things that I love are: 

Needlework (of course!)

Traveling (PJ goes where I go)

Chocolate 

(My birthday is on July 14, decadent chocolate cake? YASSSS!)

Flowers from Hawai'i (Only the ones with a strong scent)

Star Trek - Anything to do with Star Trek!

The moon, it fascinates me!

Yoga

Meditation

The taste of cilantro - it gives me deja vu vibes - weird, huh?

Pet Peeves:

Wishy washy people

People who make promises you know they don't intend to keep

People who sound a horn instead of saying hello or coming to my door to get me. How lazy can a person be? Please don't answer.

People who are tech addicted, won't put their phone down.

Animal abuse

Child abuse

Any abuse of any living creature except house flies!

House flies

Cops who abuse their authority

Being transparent, it took a lot of work to get to this emotional - spiritual - psychological state of bliss. I struggled, tried then failed, made mistakes, also made some very good choices along the way. I'm grateful to the guy who broke my heart in August 2012. Having my heard broken so severely, it created my resolve to never let it happen again. Because I did allow it, I won't allow it ever again.

It's a choice.

This brings me to a note of gratitude. I'm grateful to the people all over the world who read my blog, who message me or don't message me. People who comment or don't comment. I write because it gives me pleasure. Although it does garner a bit of attention, I have never been one who wants or needs a lot of attention. 

My social media is devoid of endless selfies of me making duckface for the camera. Never have videoed myself doing cool stuff or endless pictures of what I have for a meal or snack. It would get far more attention than I'm comfortable with. My youngest child keeps in close regular touch with me which I love. My other 3 adult children have FB, Instagram, LinkedIn. I'm sure they were unaware that I know. That's fine for them.

It's very rare that I see them in person or even get a call or a card. Poring over their Instagram would hurt too much. It's true that the ones whom you love have more of a chance to hurt you. The deeper you love them, the deeper the wound will be. 

Well, that just sux.

Being content to write, share photos of PJ & my needlework is enough for me. Enough for now.

Getting to this state of being took a lot of work. It was far from easy, yet it was so worth it.