True to Your Heart

Ask yourself, if you woke up one warm sweet morning, found that you had zero prior memory of who you are, who & what would you be?

For my fellow lady hawks out there, who are peaking at night. Ditto except if you had let your creativity carry you all night then slept all day, awakened shortly after moonrise. If you only had knowledge from the moment you awakened, who would you suppose yourself to be?

Feel it or reach into your imagination down deep into your identity, follow it. 

Have courage, it can be or become a bit scary.

You have an absence of memory of any hurts, pains or unkindness that may have befallen you. Equally, what your job or career is, escapes you. There are photos of people who you suppose you know in that space you awakened in or have known yet you're drawing as many blanks as to who they are just as the unanswered details of who you are or were.

This is about something else if you think it's Alzheimer's.

Nice try.

As you fish around inside your heart, your mind, feel for what appeals to you. 

What would you suppose your passions are?

What do you feel your natural abilities are?

What knowledge do you have whether natural or educated in?

When something comes to you, a tickle in your brain.

Something that is so ASMR it feels to be as much a part of you as your arms, legs, eyes, ears or what you have.

Unless it's something hopefully not illegal, immoral or self-harming, that's you.

Think about it.

I'll wait.

10 

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

For many people their passion can be something artistic, creative, trendy or some other such that won't immediately pay the water bill.

The act of following a passion is often a long road of starving, suffering, ridicule, pressure from those who lack understanding. Sometimes it can even be disgust, ridicule, backstabbing, ostracization. The term "starving artist" is close to reality.

Albeit late in my life, a new lease came to me. Being truthful, it was a combo of prepped - worked - hoped for. Keeping myself ready to receive, waiting, even starving (limited nutrition or food), dreaming big, I kept going. A still small message played in a loop in my head. It told me to keep going, keep striving, that I would have all that I had lost that I still wanted, that I would receive it plus more. 

More spiritual, more healing, more encouraging than anything.

After the new lease on life happened, there was a bit of doubt, a bit of suffering, anxiety, depression, bulimia. The insomnia I thought I had conquered came back with vengeance.

Trauma from the past, which I had pushed down deep began to affect me. It had affected me for a few decades, it was necessary to put it to the side. It could no longer be ignored, had to be dealt with. After a counselor I went to, lied to me, betrayed me, the realization that it was completely up to me to work through it on my own. When even a trained, skilled counselor with a stellar reputation can violate the ethics of their practice it's a clear indication that you're on your own.

One day, I hit rock bottom, unfortunately it wasn't buns of steel.

At the lowest point I had ever been, this message came to me. 

From that point onward, it became a mantra. A message so powerful, so beautiful, so comforting. It became my mantra to repeat in my mind when the inevitable challenges arose. Clinging to it was all to be done to keep going.

By doing this, I felt multiple shifts starting at the core of my being.

All of the pains of biting criticisms, the unkind treatment from those who were supposed to love me, began melting away. The pain was replaced with peace, quiet confidence, love filled thoughts.

During this time, it was a wondrous rediscovery of who I was along with stepping into becoming someone new.

It would be a falsehood to say it was easy.

Peeps, it was a ton of work.

Along the way, many people whom I had known before dropped away, frightened by who I was becoming. People who wanted me to stay the same as I was when they met me. It was for their comfort in whom they perceived me to be.

Change was scary enough for me, adding the fear of others was unbearable. Those who truly cared about me were delighted to see the positive changes I was making, stuck by me. Even offered encouragement when it was needed.

In present day, as a continued exploration of this new identity, personal growth is continuing. Forward motion is less scary, more exciting than anything. Discovering, even gravitating toward whatever beneficial element it is that draws me to it. The nature of growth is to (within reason) change with the times or volunteer to be left behind. By staying stuck in prior ways, ideas, practices one truly is volunteering to be left behind. 

Some people derive comfort from that, that's also okay.

Being true to my heart causes me to push away a layer of the cocoon to feel the freshness of a butterfly. Until the feeling of a cocoon closing around me begins again, then, pushing through it, life is once more, fresh, new, with more forward movement.

It falls short of saying;

 "I wish I could" or "Doing the work is optional".

It's definitely required to do the work, totally worth it.

Him

I brought him to me. Into my life to live with me for as long as we both shall live & maybe beyond. He was so little, just 11 lbs. Just a baby. Everything he needs to know, it's my responsibility to teach him. Though he's now 70 lbs & growing, he's still a baby.

I take caring for him as a responsibility very seriously.

Even the not so fun parts are my responsibility & only mine. Cleaning up poop, pee, hair, the sleepless nights. He's a handful. Actually, he's more like 10 or more handfuls. I tell people that he's a lot of dog.

If he were a song he would be "Great Balls of Fire".

PJ, my puppy, is very intelligent also very sensitive. I have to have self-control when he does something I don't like & that he KNOWS he isn't supposed to do. Soft black licorice has always been a favorite of mine.

I don't share it with anyone.

Black licorice is most likely unhealthy for a dog. Not only that, but, if I gave PJ some, he would probably expect it again.

Nope.

As much as I love this puppy, I won't share my black licorice with him.

Dobermans are known for having excellent memory recall. PJ might not remember exactly what he did when he was being overly curious or naughty. 

He was very quick when he grabbed my package of black licorice, he ran with it to his crate, thinking he was safe in there.

It was a moment that I HAD to exercise strong self-control. Before he could bite the package opened, I tried to coax him out.

He wasn't having it. The puppy brat even turned his back to me!

I went to my arsenal of puppy treats, turned my back to him, pretended to help myself to his treats. At first, he turned around to see what I was doing, he whimpered a little. Then, he carried the package to me, dropped it at my feet. I won that round!

He might not remember this incident. He will, however, remember if he was yelled at or struck or threatened as well as who did it & how it made him feel. Dobermans are very trainable, they are known for it, they remember a lot of what they have been taught training wise.

The only issue right now is that he nibbles on me too hard. I know that it's a way dogs often show affection. They also do it if they need something from their human. Sometimes it's an invitation to play or a way to shake things up if they are bored. The nibbling is also often referred to as "cobbing" as it's the way many people eat corn on the cob with top & bottom front teeth.

PJs cobbing hurts, really hurts. Sometimes he even breaks my skin or puts holes in my clothing with his teeth.

No biscuit for that.

Having never been one to hurt or abuse an animal, I tried a few things to get him to nibble a bit softer or not at all, nothing worked. I was told by a reputable Doberman trainer to just smack the side of his face when he does it.

Just can't do it.

I love him so much, hoping I won't have to resort to that. 

Either he gets it & is ignoring my methods to get him to stop or he isn't understanding what I expect of him. Whatever it is, it still hurts. It leaves tracks of red marks on my arms & legs that make it look like I have a drug problem, shooting up in different areas of my arms & legs. The breeders I bought PJ from have been breeding, raising, training & showing Dobies since 1970.

They know the Dobie temperament very well. They know what works, what fails, what to expect at different stages of life. They encourage people who buy their puppies to keep in touch, to give them occasional updates.

Not required just something they welcome.

Needing a bit of advice, I contacted the breeder, Doug Matson to see what he might suggest to remedy the pain filled cobbing. He gave me a few ideas that might work. All dogs' personalities are different. Something that might work with one dog, might or might not work with another. Hopefully, PJ will respond then stop cobbing or do it much softer.

Because PJ is still a puppy, he can be very exuberant, easily excitable when it comes to physical things. It's a joy to see though it's less of a joy when walking up or down stairs. There are three steps up to the entrance of my house. He began to take the steps in one bound, forgetting that I'm on the other end of his leash. He was just 25 lbs when he started doing this. Still small enough to comfortably snooze in my lap.

He's growing very quickly. Seeing how his stair bounding could become a bigger problem when he became bigger, I came up with a way to teach him to slow down on the stairs.

One-word commands are the best way to communicate with dogs. Most dogs love to please their pack leaders.

Using the word "slow" then walking up or down the stairs extra slow, myself, so that he understands to take the stairs slowly. He understood then responded immediately.

Yupp, ha ha. So proud of my smart boy.

Today I started telling him "slow" when he began cobbing on me. Love is good, less so when it hurts & leaves marks on the skin. He's still learning.

I tell myself that although he is now 75 lbs, 8.5 months of age, he is still a puppy. Still learning. Repeating over & over in my mind.

He's still a puppy.

He's still a puppy.

(dang that hurts!)

He's still a puppy.

He's still a puppy.

The unwanted behavior is truncated. Hallelujah!

Update!

Although I had been told to smack the side of PJs face when he does the "cobbing", I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I used a spray bottle. A slight spray of cold water stopped him for a week. Then, he went right back to it. One trainer suggested a very slight amount of lemon juice or rubbing alcohol in the sprayer bottle. 

A ratio of 1/4 teaspoon of a deterrent to 1/2 gallon of water. Not enough to inflict serious pain. Just enough to cause momentary discomfort for the dog to associate the cobbing with discomfort.

Happy to say - Mission Accomplished!

PJ learned to stop cobbing; I don't look like a drug addict, now.

A very important aspect of interacting with a dog is training. When someone tells me of a behavior they don't like or if I see a dog doing something that is unacceptable to humans, sometimes other dogs. It goes through my mind.

Training

Training

Training

Training

An untrained dog is as bad or worse than a spoiled, undisciplined child. The child can inflict some serious woes on the world. It would take a lot for them to be executed. A dog, on the other hand can as well as will be euthanized for behaviors that could have been nipped in the bud with loving, consistent, repetitive training.

Please!

Never believe that an older dog can't be trained. 

It's the lazy or uninformed human that is the real culprit. 

Dogs are mostly food motivated to learn. A few are praise motivated. Some dogs may be motivated by a combination of both. Very few dogs will turn away a tasty treat.

It takes time & patience; however, even most older dogs can be taught. It's mostly dependent on the older owner. Whether they are willing to invest time, have patience, love the dog enough to enrich the dog's life with learning. It will pay off in BIG ways for both.

Often, a person who owns a dog, believes it knows a few commands will give a command such as "sit" for example. 

The dog doesn't respond. 

Fido may be distracted, is ignoring the command or doesn't understand.

The human will keep saying "sit". No response. Fido wins.

The correct way to do this is to say, "sit".

When the dog doesn't respond, gentle pressure on the hips will teach or reinforce or assert dominance, Fido will learn, will learn to obey.

This can be applied to any command.

Sit, down, stay, wait, back, STFU. (😁😁😁😁)

The most important trait a person can exhibit is dominance. You're the Alpha, the leader, the boss. At least toward your K9 friend.

In the K9 mindset, confidence is crucial. It's a mindset that can allow a Chihuahua to dominate a Great Dane. Most people have seen a Chihuahua who could easily be a snack for a much bigger dog, dominate the bigger dog with snarls, growls, showing of their teeth.

Less so in the human world. Only fools rush into that one! KO time. 

An even better example is when a water buffalo retaliates against a lion. Water Buffaloes have been seen to do serious damage to a lion, even killing the predator trying to kill them or their calf. 

I made the decision to bring this $4K dog into my life. It's my solemn responsibility to make sure he is taught, loved, trained, given a happy healthy life.

Most days, we go to the dog park for an hour in the mornings when the weather is dry & cool. PJ has a few toys he can only have at the dog park. He tosses them around, chews them, carries them proudly from the front gate to the back fence, walking with me.

Recently, in efforts to slim down from the fauxvid pork, I started walking from the front gate to back fence then back to the front gate. That is "1".

Walking this distance 10 times per dog park visit is making changes in my body. 

Also making positive changes in my mindset.

Life is good.

So Grateful

Ask any child in single digits what they want to be when they "grow up" they might say they want to be a ballerina or a cowboy or a movie star or a police officer or pilot.

Many children can't fathom growing up to work a drive through window at a fast-food restaurant or to become homeless or some of the lesser mentioned occupations or living arrangements.

No one knows what their life will be like when they become of adult age. Life can change so fast, so drastically. Whatever plans one has can be irrevocably changed in a flash. When people asked me the question when I was around 7 or 8 years of age, it wasn't something I had thought about. All I knew for sure was that I wanted to go to Hawai'i.

People would tease me about it, tell me I probably would never make it there. Tell me it was fun to dream, just not to be so disappointed if I never made it. My reply was quite often:

"I'm going there & I'll leave you all behind."

It was so cool that I did exactly that.

I moved to Hawai'i shortly after graduation from Clarkston High School! Actually, lived there for a total of nearly 7 years.

I sure showed the nay sayers when I actually did it.

There were several similar things I did as an adult that I had wanted so much to do when I was a child.

After high school graduation & before moving to Hawai'i, I took a trip on my own, to Florida where my favorite aunt lives. We went to Busch Gardens, Disney World, a few other places she wanted to take me. I had bought my airfare with money I had saved from babysitting. I had enough left over to do a few fun things with my aunt.

Aside from a couple of traumatic events, it was a good time.

Now, when people have asked me what I had wanted to "be" when I was a child after growing up. I reply, "I'm still working on it."

Life is very different than the way I thought it would turn out to be.

Actually, it's even better now than it has ever been. Taking calculated risks, weighing the pros & cons sometimes even delaying making a decision until I had a night of sleep to consider it. Some of those decisions have benefitted me great big!

There were a few that panned out as less than stellar, very few. A lot of my decisions were made from watching others & the mistakes they made. Also, I don't consider age when someone gives me advice. Believing that I can learn something from everyone regardless of their age, as long as it seems credible. It has also been very beneficial. Even small children can offer a perspective that people of adult age wouldn't think of.

It's magic.

In the past I have had some very wondrous experiences.

Lived in Europe

Went on a couple of long weekends to Paris, France

Went on a long weekend to London, England

Met 2 of my favorite needlework designers (2 different events)

Met several of my favorite musicians

Learned how to cook using wine

This is a short list. There are certainly more. I'm still young enough that there are many more yet to be.

The gratitude that I have for how good life is for me right now fills up my heart. Different than I thought it would be ~ it's better!

At this time in my life, I have more freedom, more money, more peace in my heart than ever before.

In short, I have a whole heckuva lot to be grateful for. So, I am.

Living in survival mode for 10 years was so much fun. 

NOT. 

After a very pain filled, very necessary divorce which I paid for in more ways than financially, life had many twists & turns to navigate.

Although I had to work very hard to make improvements there were still chances that all the work, I did might amount to nothing. It actually amounted to more than I even dreamed it would. Moving from Colorado to Texas benefitted me a lot.

Leaving behind the horrible memories of that terrible place was very healing. In Colorado I experienced a divorce, alienation of my children. Then, the married lying cheating males that proliferated in Colorado Springs who had no problem in using & hurting so many women. 

The final nail in the coffin which almost involved a coffin was the last straw for me. Leaving Colorado behind felt so freeing. Living in Texas is so much better.

In present day, I express my gratitude by not worrying about money. Having witnessed other people who truly suffered due to poverty. When Mary the Good Fairy visited, showering them with an influx of lucre, they were still stressing about their income. They might as well have continued existing below the poverty line. In present day, I express my gratitude by not worrying about money. It gives me pleasure to do kindnesses for others. Usually, it's done anonymously. Another way is in treating myself to items of a higher quality than I accrued in the past. As a frugal, saver by nature, it feels wasteful to pay more for anything when I can get a lower price for the same thing. If I hold out for a while, it usually finds me.

Most recently -

I have a beautiful heart shaped jade piece. It's a very high-grade jade stone. It has all the characteristics that make jade more expensive, more sought after, it's translucence gives off a slight glow. It's Imperial Hetian Jadeite.

One jeweler even thought it was an opal. Umm, nope. An opal of that size would go for $40 at the most. My pretty little thing is worth much more.

A petite 8mm.

In the USA it would most likely be $500 - $900. The person who gifted it to me officially was not in China or Thailand. Unofficially he was in China & Thailand where he bought the jade heart. 

It was a gift.

Not to be confused with a commitment ring, just a sweet gift.

The only problem was in finding the right size ring blank to hold the heart shaped stone. Mostly my preference is for silver, white gold or platinum. Yellow gold will make the stone pop.

Every yellow gold ring blank that could seat the jade heart nicely were more than I wanted to pay.

All of them were $300 - $500.

I could pay that much, just felt that I ought to hold out for a ring blank with a lower price.

My heart did a happy jump when I saw, online, a ring that had all of the characteristics I was looking for plus more! 

At only $68.

It did have a stone already in it. Shiny & new. Time to switch the stones. The stone already in the ring was a heart shaped Lindy star ruby. 14kt yellow gold with two tiny diamond chips, one on each side at the horizontal apex of the heart. The jewelers weren't as sure as I was that my jade would fit.

When the ring was ready, I held my breath as it was brought out. It's perfect. The fit, the seated jade. The yellow gold & slight twinkle of the diamonds really shows off the translucence the stone, makes it pop!

From this:

To this:

Often, good things will happen for those who wait for just the right whatever while also making preparations to receive. When such a serendipitous event happens, it's mostly worth waiting for.

Happy dance when it happens, absence of disappointment if not.

Stay vigilant while being prepared to receive.

Today, I was not prepared to have dropped my phone in PJ's water bowl.  😢

It had been there for at least an hour before I discovered it. Hoping that the steps I'm taking to dry it out will work. If it doesn't, it will be my third new phone this year. I'll know by tomorrow morning.

Into many cell phone owners' lives, some water will surely fall.

Update:

Alas, my phone was so dead. As much as I tried to save it, all that was left was to toss it. Buh bye.

New phone, my third one this year. 😎

It's a good idea to be more watchful, mindful, etc in 2025 & beyond.

The Tell All Confession

For most of my life, it has played a large part. It has been a social thing, an outlet for stress, a calming practice. A few times it even made a tidy sum for me to tuck away. A cookie jar cash stash. Except, I stashed it in a Kotex box in my bedroom closet or a tampon case in my purse. 

The ex-had a delightful habit of going into my purse, taking money from it without asking me or even telling me.

He had an aversion to touching those menstrual things much less feeling around inside them as if he might get an STD from them.

My cash stash was safe from being stolen.

Mostly, I'm a money saver, less of a spender. As a counter to this, being generous with those I love puts joy in my heart. Also, when I go on vacation, loosening up the purse strings seems logical. It's a time to cut loose a little. Know when to hold 'em, know when to.......

Ever since I learned to stitch then expounded on that afterward, it has been an honor to teach others. Teaching the basics is easy. Teaching more advanced skills in needlework, I have to say, is more gratifying.

The challenge lies in helping my students to understand that Hardanger, pulled thread, drawn thread, hem stitching is just a few simple stitches repeated over & over.

It does look intimidating. Yep, all by hand starting with totally blank fabric.

Remembering how I was so intimidated, using the fear as fuel helped to propel me into teaching myself. While living in a village in Germany, Hardanger embroidered items adorned the large street front picture windows of the homes of the people in the village. I lived in the village of Rodenbach, Kaiserslautern innerhalb Deutscheland. Having a great knowledge of the language, I ventured out a lot. The German grocery stores had magazines filled with Hardanger patterns to enhance just about anything. 

Window curtains

Baskets

Candle holders

Aprons

Blouses

Table linens

Hand towels

Clocks

Mirror backs

Door Hangers "Wilkommen"

The motivation was all around me.

Hardanger can be combined with basic cross stitch in complementary ways. It can also be impressive on its own.

With a situation that would allow me to take some time to teach myself in a trial & error way, with trepidation I decided to do it.

Learning on my own, self-teaching has always worked best for me. After 2 hours of more errors than success, it began to click in my brain.

An "aha" moment is a thing of beauty.

It was close to midnight when I could feel dopamine kick in from finally understanding. At that moment the only occurrence that could have enhanced the experience would have been to have someone to show & tell what I had accomplished.

It would have been even better if that person was, themselves, a stitcher. Preferably one that would want to learn Hardanger embroidery or have some pointers for me.

I would have loved to have shared the new knowledge of this beautiful form of needlework. It opened a new dimension to a deeper dive into my passion. 

Needleworkers have their own adages & acronyms. For instance, a "unicorn" pattern is one that a stitcher deeply desires, wish so much for it thinking they most likely won't ever have it.

UFO - Unfinished Object

WIP - Work in Progress

Stash - The cadre of needlework paraphernalia 

SEX - Stash Enhancement Experience

The Frog - A creature that causes errors in stitching.

(when it visits you must live with the error or rip it - rip it)

PHD - Project Half Done

SABLE - Stash Accumulation Beyond Life Expectancy

LNS - Little/Local Needlework Shop

SINS - Stuff I'll Never Stitch

EGA - Embroiders Guild of America

SAL - Stitch Along

Frogging - Ripping out mistakes in projects

It's a dominant trait for stitchers to have more than 5 projects in various stages of completion. 

Okay, 10 or maybe 20 or more. 

There are so many beautiful patterns from so many skilled designers! New ones are published regularly. There are also new designers to compound the temptation to start another project. 

My reason for starting a new project is a bit different. People with creative minds are 10x more likely to have bouts with depression, anxiety.

When I was very new to stitching, there was something that happened in my mind every time I started a new project.

The way I would describe it is that it caused me to feel the same sensations' as if I were falling in love. 

A giddy excitement, spinning around sensation. 

I fear that if I counted all of my UFOs or WIPs, it might be frightening.

There are many pieces which I have finished the needlework pattern part, just waiting for the inspiration to make it into whatever. Framed or sewn or attached to a vase or basket as decorations to further enhance the aesthetics of the item.

So, I do complete many projects.

A solution to conquering my UFOs is that I'm putting 4 at a time in a basket. Having them in a basket is so much more attractive than having them in a box or plastic bin. I work on those, rotating them if it becomes too tedious or boring.

In between the 4 I will sometimes sneak in a very small design. The

falling in love feeling carries me to finish the large projects.

No judgy- wudgy.

It works!

This is a suh-weet Hardanger heart I stitched as a small, motivational interim design. The penny is there for scale.

Using this method, I have completed one large project, closing in on a second one. This also allows me to stitch seasonal items. The last project I completed was an Autumn sampler. It's washed, pressed, ready for finishing into a whatever.

My current project is a beautiful Christmas piece. Although it's large, because the Christmas season is here, I feel the push of inspiration to keep going. Because I like this design so much, I had partially stitched it then I "lost" it. As in misplaced it, I restarted it, finished it then, decided to treat myself with a custom frame. Sending it off to a very creative, professional framers, I knew I would have to wait for it. Most good things are worth waiting for. 

While I was organizing, clearing clutter, I found it! Decided to finish it. My progress on Lavender & Lace - Gift of Peace #1.

Social media can be a bane of many people. It can also be a source of shared creativity. Bringing people of like minds & hobbies together. It has been my pleasure to have online drawings. To have the ones who wish to enter to possibly be chosen to receive a design that is in hot demand while also being out of print for several years. These patterns are often for sale for hundreds of dollars, yes, for one pattern. 

Being well aware that I could easily sell even one of my OOP patterns for $200 - $400, there are some things that are worth more than money. To make the drawing even more fun I ask a question which is optional to answer by those who leave a comment to enter the drawing.

At this time, I'm doing a drawing for the newest design from Mirabilia. Nora Corbett is the daughter of Marilyn Leavitt Imblum. She is the power house of creativity whose design company is Mirabilia. The design is name is Merry Merry.

Spreading some happiness in a world that needs it!

On several occasions, other stitchers have been oh so kind to me by giving me patterns that I had desired. The stitchers were so kind in that they wouldn't even accept the money for postage. Some of the patterns were sent to me from:

Queensland, Australia

Tokyo, Japan

Cardiff, Wales

Quebec, Montreal, Canada

Some were also sent to me from:

Chalk Hill Pennsylvania, USA

Mancelona, Michigan, USA

Hoonah, Alaska, USA

Needmore, Indiana, USA 

Some of the names were a bit cute, funny. The stitchers who shared with me were so warm & genuine. With the caveat that not all stitchers are so generous, giving, kindhearted, just because they are stitchers. When I have gone to a couple of needlework retreats some of them were downright two faced, mean, even stingy. The kind ones outnumber the others by far.

Maybe the mean ones were from Hell, Michigan. JK!

Since I first picked up needlework when I was 20 years of age, it's been a learning time. It's almost like meditation. Most of the same stitches over & over. 

My hand to brain connection goes to cruise control or auto pilot or even numbskull fiddling. Several hours can pass by that feel more like 30 minutes. It took some time for me to refrain from picking up a project at 8 pm. The house would be quiet, Star Trek would be on the telly. I would sometimes hear an odd noise only to realize it was the birds outside singing as the sun was slowly rising! Becoming so engaged in my project, 5 hours or more had passed. 

The reward in this is that when I woke up after a few hours of sleep, looking at the progress I made in my project. It felt like the sewing fairies had visited to do some of the stitching for me! I know they don't exist. Do they? 

Sometimes when I feel energetic, I will still pick up a project, knowing I could very well stitch from 8 or 9 pm until 6 am. Time has made me a bit wiser, just a bit. I have learned to set a timer to help me keep track of the time. Sometimes, I decide to live dangerously, start stitching with no timer. Whewwwwwwwwww! Wild one, hah!

This is my opportunity to dispel a few myths.

1. Cross Stitch, Hardanger, Needlepoint, Macrame, Crewel, Knitting & Crochet. They are all very different. All some of them have in common is that some are done with a needle. Some are done with an instrument that has a hook on the business end. 

2. Needlework & sewing are a craft for all ages & genders.

3.Many people who are unfamiliar with the amount of time that is invested might offer to pay $50. for a needlework piece that took over 200 hours to create. The size of the finished piece is deceptive.

4. Whether stitched on Aida fabric or fine linen, it will last a long time. Nope. There are beautiful hand stitched linens that have been found in the pyramids of Egypt as well as some shipwrecks in the Atlantic that are still intact. Aida fabric gets dry rot after 50 years.

Maybe this blog entry became tedious to read or you, my dear reader, stopped reading long before this. It felt necessary, even joyful to write about something I'm so passionate about.

Maybe it will even encourage some of you to give it a try or go back to stitching after a long time of not stitching. That's okay, too.

As long as people know that stitching can comfort the soul.

It's all good.

My red & green conversion of a pattern that is still free, online for download. I kept this one for myself. The pattern is listed as 

2000 Christmas Angel.

This is the same design done in a palette of white & ecru colors. I stitched it, framed it myself. Gifted it to a lifelong beloved friend.

It's rare when I gift my stitched pieces to others. She is very special to me, to my heart. We have made so many memories together.

It's a copyright violation to post patterns online. For anyone  interested, this designer, Marilyn Leavitt Imblum, was so generous with her free designs. Sadly, she passed on in 2012. Her web site is still online. Look under "Other Products > Free Christmas Designs.

Told in a Garden - Lavender and Lace - Butternut Road

Happy browsing & I hope you find some inspiration as so many have.

Another Time Perhaps

 

It was a time of innocence

A time of discoverous awe

A time of total dependence

Of being so truly raw

A time of learning

A time stolen out of greed

Still trusting the burning

Of having childhood need

Ever one who was hoping

Waiting to be shown love

It was emptiness in coping

Seeking answers from above

It was learning skills on my own

Knowing that it had to be

From just myself alone

With all that was inside me

They say it's what has made me strong

It made me who I am today

Oh joy did they get it all wrong

In such a colossal way

Strength that is forged by pain

Is the most damaging of all

A small child left all over again

Told to still walk so tall

So misunderstood by everyone

It haunts the grieving soul

Hard to know how to have fun

Hard to feel completely whole

The world feels so unkind

Its people feel so untrue

Living with a hurting mind

They say the problem is you

Where to find solace to heal

Where to turn for peace

Where love is never real

Where many friendships cease

In time the hurting spirit learns

In time the hurting heart unknown

Echoes of the truth that burns

What keeps me alive keeps me alone

The Greatest Love of All

So............

This happened.

Someone anonymously sent a message to me. Apparently, they felt that my blog entries about my pain over the supposed passing of my first love, Stephen Thomas Szasz, were really stupid, borderline mental illness. Possibly it was a bit of wishing someone had cared about them with such intensity. Maybe they had never loved another person with such passion because they actually had never learned how to love themselves.

The person, I think I know who they are, further expounded on how I must be such a loser to care so much. How it's abnormal for someone to grieve so deeply, to write about it for the whole world to read.

Furthermore, this unhappy creature cautioned me to seek a counselor because the feathers I found & how I felt about finding so many is not normal. Then, they expounded on my other flaws, my love for my Doberman puppy, that I wasted my time on needlework etc.

Here is my sincere public double bird salute from a famous mouse.

Instead of telling you this face to face as you took the cowards way, thinking you are so clever, sending a message to me that doesn't concretely ID you. Obviously, you don't know me as you seem to think you do. The message that you think wouldn't ID you, came from your isp which connected it to you.

Who is the fool, now. Don't answer, it's you.

The company that pays me to write this blog enjoys it that I'm so real. That the nitty gritty honesty, the truth in my opinions & life experience are refreshing. That I tell it as I see it.

Having so many personal struggles, I know I'm an under-dog. The one that so many people love to hate. I'm okay with that. Having never been a people pleaser, it's important for a person to love themselves, not caring what other people think.

Having seen the mistakes of others then, observing the outcome, it helped me to learn from other people's pain filled mistakes. Oh, I have made my own mistakes, maybe a kindred spirit has learned from my mistakes as well as the outcome. 

All in all, it feels as if I have made some very profitable decisions. Some were financial, others offered different sorts of benefits. It's true that actions & decisions will fall short in pleasing everyone, it's best to please yourself, let the rest do as it may. Ya can't please all.

I'm a people helper, not a pleaser.

A people helper as in helping someone who genuinely needs it. What they do with that help is up to them. It's then, out of my hands.

What the person I helped or those who know of my helping them, think of me, is also on them, not me.

It's all good.

This concept is dispersed all over the world. Learning to love yourself just as you are or as you decide to be. Little to no care as to the opinions of others. Songs, quotes, entire books, poetry, works of art. It's in all cultures in all languages.

Opinions are like belly buttons. Nearly everyone has one. The only one it makes a dent in, is the one who has it.

Humans start out as deutosteromes. Some people fail to progress, mentally/emotionally beyond that stage.

People must love themselves enough to be enough, being just fine as they are without needing another person to "complete" them. I'm single because I want to be single. 

There is so much more to life than following the urge to merge, coupling up because products in supermarkets mainly sell products in packages of two.

At first, when I was married, it was a bit rocky. As time went on, it reverted back full circle becoming rocky only more so as I discovered so many betrayals that, of course, he lied about when asked.

I felt so trapped.

A reoccurring dream I used to have was that I was bound with heavy chains from head to foot. As I struggled to free myself the chains tightened around me. I screamed, yet it was completely silent. 

Then, right after the divorce, the dream stopped occurring. 

This tells me that being married was definitely mostly a negative for me. 

Maybe it was just the one I was married to that made it so awful.  A counselor told me that it seemed that I was giving 95% then, maybe getting 5% back on a really good day.

It was hard enough for me that it's something I probably want to steer clear of. Never say never. Ha ha.

As someone who probably cares too much about everyone, while being unconcerned at what others think of me. It has brought a bit of trouble to me. It has also taken me to some very sweetly serendipitous situations. When you are very different from most people, it scares a lot of people because you're your own person, it's more effort to figure you out if they even can.

Depending upon the other people who are individuals, themselves, stereotyping is a knee jerk reaction.

Figure out the other person, squish them into the neat little box you believe they belong in. The same dimensions as the boxes prepared for all the other people that needed to be figured out.

Next?

Many people will fit in that mental box you prepared for them plus hundreds of others all in their own boxes. It's the ones like me who chooses to have a burning curiosity about everything that are seen as the problem. That fly in your sangria, the buzzing mosquito whom you can hear, it just escapes being truly seen.

Back to the lovely troll. Your words say more about you than they do regarding me. Thank you for the chuckles, Bozo.