Up, Up, Out of The Bunny Hole

For a long time, I felt stuck. 

Have you ever felt stuck?

If you have, you will know it.

The ridiculous part of it is that I allowed it. I was hanging out with people who have "stuck" energy around them. After spending time with them I consciously felt myself sliding down that insidious bunny hole. In essence, I did it to myself.

My cute clothes began to shrink so that they didn't fit like they used to. On days that I had dedicated to cleaning & organizing, the call from someone to go out, have some fun, eat foods that I knew were unhealthy was impossible for me to resist.

The end result was a cluttered, disorganized living space. Then, an onslaught of depression, anxiety, shame & fear that if anyone saw my mess that it would be deeply embarrassing. 

So many times, I would begin to get it under control only to backslide into the new living habits that got me stuck to begin with. I was bunny hopping. 1 step forward, 4 steps back.

UGH!

After all, it's nearly always more fun to go to restaurants, shopping, out & about with a friend or friends. Sadly, I came to the realization that these people were more like enablers than they were, friends.

I'm NOT a victim. I allowed it, I went along with it, I went down that path that got me stuck, willingly.

If anyone was going to help me to get out of the mess, it had to be me. I did it & I was going to have to undo it.

If at first you find zero success, meh, just go to bed early, tomorrow will be another day. Why put off until the next day when you can put it off until the next month, maybe next year.

Because preserving my health is so important to me, I started giving myself non-food rewards after making a bit of progress. 

Who's a good girl? Me.

Getting into the nail salons in the town where I live, even with an appointment, is hard. Mani/pedi/wax is what I used to do until having to wait 25 minutes past my appointment time 4 times in a row. The small-town area where I live is at least 60 miles from a bigger city setting.

Then, I began buying flowers for myself. Flowers from Hawai'i! That was becoming somewhat cost prohibitive. Although the cost of flowers from Hawai'i is the same as ordering an arrangement to be delivered.

Then, I began allowing myself to take a night off of working. Instead, to work on a needlework project. That can become dangerous to my career. There were other approaches that I tried that had little to zero effect. It was important enough that I felt compelled to try different approaches until something worked.

*MIND SHIFT*

An idea occurred to me that maybe the reward can be only letting myself have one hour of cleaning & decluttering per day. The scarcity principle, if you will. Knowing that after that alarm sounds, I have to stop for the rest of the day, until the next day.

*BINGO*

It is a relatively new development in my attempt to claw my way up out of the hole I dug for myself. Just today, I put three large lawn bags of clutter plus 3 broken down boxes in the recycling dumpster. Woo hoo! Go, me! 

That's just the living room area. *sigh*

Still, it's a good start.

The reward for my efforts, just 2 days in a row?

Stay tuned.

Just Listen

Do you have a favorite song?

Such a banal question.

The answer may reveal more than many would like to admit, would even pay much attention to. Something so simple that can say so much. It says much about the inner thoughts, inner workings of how a person thinks inside their head where only they can hear.

Is it a song of unrequited love?  Social injustice? Courage under fire or just courage itself? Triumph? Comfort? Hopes? Dreams? Life lived?

Since I'm the one writing, I will tell you of a song that plays in my head, in a loop. It plays in my mind when I see the horrors of injustice in the ways animals are treated mostly by humans who are heartless in the way they abuse them. Specifically abusing them for reproduction to get money from selling the puppies.

There are so many forced matings of dogs on You Tube.

The female might be held by her ears, one of the most sensitive parts on a dog.

She is screaming in terror, in pain, held down while the male dog is voluntarily or forced to mount her against her protests.

Some of these inhumane poor excuses for humans even ZIP TIE the dogs together, once a coital tie has occurred. Dogs will stay locked together without being zip tied to each other. 

That first loud yelp after the first of 2 -5 zip ties are tightened on the dogs is gut wrenching. The two guys smiling & laughing about it is worse.

The zip ties go across the male dogs back which has thicker skin & fur. The zip ties are noticeably binding & pinching the thin, hairless, sensitive skin across the female's belly. The welts are already showing once the zip ties are in place. So, she has the uncomfortable pain of the male dog's penis, swelled up inside her genitals plus having zip ties cutting into the skin of her belly.

Both animals are whimpering in pain, squirming to try to escape the pain being inflicted on them by humans, putting the dogs in pain during mating.

Dogs KNOW what to do, they do it naturally. 

It's the horribly cruel humans who force the dogs to mate, that are so ignorant & ignoring the harm they are obviously causing. 

Something that makes it worse is that You Tube allows the Cretans to post the videos of the obvious abuse of animals.

When any of these videos come up in my feed, I report them. I get an email from You Tube, thanking me for the report. The video remains. Sometimes, the videos are simply marked as "Mature Content" or "Over 18 Content".

Where is the scorn for such obvious abuse of helpless animals. Forced to mate.

Forced to endure.

Screaming in terror.

Screaming in pain.

The humans inflicting the pain are often smiling, laughing, holding the animals down to force them to produce offspring so the people can get money from the suffering & pain of their animals.

Puppy mills get a lot of press.

The puppy & kitten mills are often raided, shut down, fined.

What can be done about the horrendous You Tube videos of semen extraction, of forced mating, of inflicting trauma & physical harm specifically on dogs.

The humane breeding of animals is completely different. Some breeders will simply put a female in heat, in a pen with a male that she likes. If she is ready, if she wants to, she will mate. She is flirty, playful, enjoying the "courting" of the male dog. 

That is something very different from the abusive forcing.

The dogs are voluntarily mating. The female is calm, she is playful, she is allowing the male dog to mount then "tie" with her.

Puppies will be born to a female dog minus the trauma of being forced to mate.

The abuse of children is also very terrible, gets more notice when children are being harmed. Because animals are considered property, they rank a bit lower in abuse prevention.

My favorite song?

Have you guessed it?

Bless The Beasts and The Children

Particularly, the version sang by Karen Carpenter.

Yeah, with all of the ageist, racist nastiness of the female name,

Karen. I'm sure Karen Carpenter would have something to say about the use of her namesake in such a terribly racist, abusive way.

The song says so clearly what I'm thinking when these abusive videos come up in my feed.

Bless the beasts and the children

For in this world they have no voice 

They have no choice

Bless the beasts and the children

For the world can never be

The world they see

Light their way

When the darkness surrounds them

Give them love

Let it shine all around them

Bless the beasts and the children

Give them shelter from the storm

Keep them safe

Keep them warm

Light their way

When the darkness surrounds them

Give them love

Let it shine all around them

Bless the beasts and the children

Give them shelter from the storm

Keep them safe

Keep them warm, the children, the children, the children

The song is one of compassion, of awareness of the vulnerability of children & animals. Of the way they need protection, kind or at least humane treatment. Something missing in the world of 2025.

When an animal is being abused, there is very little they can do to stop it, often little chance of fleeing the one(s) abusing them.

They have no voice; they have no choice.

Human children up to a certain age also are abused without recourse. I endured one of those nightmare childhoods. A mother who was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. A father who was a raging, mean spirited alcoholic. You can only imagine the horrors.

I wish You Tube would step up, ban the videos that these horrible people are allowed to post.