There are many words & phrases to describe a person. Many of these which a person can also self-describe. Now, the tough part of it all.
How would you self-describe? Short term? Long term? If at all.
It used to be that I kept a very tidy home. Mostly organized.
Dirty enough to be happy, clean enough to be healthy.
(Actually, I loathed that phrase)
There have been so many changes in life, for me. Mostly, over the past 2 decades. Maybe hundreds of changes, maybe thousands.
Saying this, right here. The full responsibility is mine. The choices I'm making & have made are on me. Just wanted to admit that upfront.
Living in a small town has its beneficial points. Along with the sweet, the less sweet must also be embraced by the residents. There are fewer people, according to Google, only 8,000 in the town where I live.
While there is less crime, fewer stop lights, lower prices on many things. There are also fewer people which means that as an adult, when I moved here in 2012, there were fewer people who were willing to form a friendship with me.
That could be on me.
This is a small town in Texas where blue laws mostly apply; there are more churches than gas stations or restaurants. If a person wants to socialize, they will mostly have to go to church. Most people in this town have family members close by. Many of them have lived here for all or most of their lives. They have very little room in their hearts or their lives for a new friend. This is common in small towns.
Am certain that most of the people in this town would like it if I died or moved away. Sad, yet true. It's just the way it is so I accept it.
A very redeeming quality in this town is that when there is a catastrophe, the people pull together to help the one who experienced the misfortune. They do whatever needs to be done to help.
It's as heartwarming as it is beautiful to see.
The people here, are surface friendly. Even if they attend the same church that you do, that's all the socializing you will get.
If, like me, you are not from here or married to someone who is & not related to anyone in this town. Socializing outside of going to church or a quick conversation at the grocery store is all you get.
Myself, I'm single by choice, no interest in dating, no children & unfortunately my buckets of cash are held in a Nigerian bank. 😁
Small Town Translation: I'm nothing aka nobody.
There is one person in this town who helped me a lot, we took trips together, did some fun things, had some adventures. She spoke of people helping each other & she did help me. She won my trust. As I saw where she could use my help, I cleaned her car, cleaned her kitchen, cleaned her home many times over the 5 years when we knew each other.
#1 Mistake. Believe a person's words.
She spoke of helping me clean my home in return. It never happened.
With so much upheaval in my life, my house suffered right along with me. Wanting to believe she would help me with my house as I had helped her. After 6 months, I had to realize it was just talk.
Because of other circumstances that are no longer of concern, the friendship ended. In truth, it became toxic, I ended it.
My house had suffered greatly. People I tried to hire to help, for one reason or another, it didn't happen.
My goodness, I cried as much as I tried. It felt so futile. The house looked so bad I sank into a depression. The depression was so deep, the house became worse. I made plans, made some progress then I relapsed over & over. The methods I had used before to get motivated to make progress were not working.
Still trying, still looking for a solution, still fell deeper.
Even the professional, trained counselors can't be trusted. I learned that lesson up close & personal.
Here is where it starts to get better.
As a new recruit in BMTS, the TI (Training Instructor) taught us to make lists. Lists for anything to keep order, accomplish tasks, do inventory, make assessments.
I did that.
I did that over and over hoping it would kick in. Although it had worked before, like the whiskey, it wasn't working any more.
What if I did a list in reverse?
Accomplish a task, great or small, then write it down as completed.
I have one week off of work, so last night I worked on a few tasks. So far, it has worked!
Five large & 3 small tasks completed in one day. Go, me!
A few setbacks kept me from doing more. PTSD is real!
Setback/Irritation #1
The noise from the next-door neighbor teenage boys loud truck stereo is so irritating. He has a big truck with a stereo that booms so that it makes my windows vibrate from his bitches & hoes tunes. The windows in my home vibrate then my dog goes off so I have to calm him. It wakes me after I have only had 3 hours of sleep.
Mostly, I work all night, so, often I have to sleep during part of the day.
The boy could wait until he's out of the driveway, that would be courteous. Even not boom-blasting it at all would be better.
I did courteously speak with him about it. Not much change. UGH.
Setback/Irritation #2
Someone next door got a shiny new silver car & a shiny new black car. The owners parked in one of my parking spaces which I pay for as part of my rent. If I had kept allowing it, the owners of the cars would think it was okay.
Not only that, the loud truck teen also moved a piece of my furniture from my parking space, to be rained on & baked in the hot Texas sun. Didn't ask me, didn't say anything though he has my cell number.
Such a sense of entitlement to do as he pleases.
Best to kill it in the cradle.
It's not okay, so, I sent a text. 4 hours later, it was still there, so I put a note on the car. An hour or so later, the car was parked in my back yard which is still trespassing. The person took the note off then littered by dropping it on the grass.
I'm going to have some company this summer, didn't want to have to chase the owner of the silver car or the black car to move it every time one of my guests' visits.
After consulting a LE Professional, they let me know that if I needed help, to let them know. So, I texted it to the loud truck teen boy. He said he was "busy". After letting him know that one of Grahams fines would be happy to assist him, it was moved within 20 minutes.
Who raises these people to act so entitled, so lacking in courtesy.
The silver car is parked in my back yard.
Even the Marines choose which hill to die on. The people may have terrible manners, I dislike it, will live with it.
Setback/Irritation #3
Add to this, the Graham USPS has delivered something I ordered, to the wrong address. To someone, not to my mailbox. This is the 4th time in a 6-month time frame. I tracked them down myself, before. It's so irritating to have to make up for someone doing their job so poorly.
These irksome occurrences divert my energy, slow me down while I'm fighting myself to accomplish what needs to be done.
Anyway, these little annoyances from discourteous people sap my motivation just enough to slow me down a little. PTSD sux.
As I decided to wake up early to get more done, here I go.
Continuation:
March 25: 4 large tasks done plus 1 small one. Go Me!
I have 4 more days to work on the house, get things done.
