Happy Birthday

Happy angel birthday if you truly have passed

The memories made with your loved ones will

Be the kind that will forever last

A spot in lives in hearts that only you can fill

All day today I thought of you in a loving way

Thought I smelled your scent wafting on the breeze

Such long such wide so cruelly stolen from the day

While it's your essence that your loved one needs

Deeds of cruelty deeds of mercy to try to be kind

I know you weren't perfect though to me you are

It's how I preserve the times we had in a heart so blind

How you made me feel sitting next to you in your car

Left hand on the steering wheel the other holding my hand

So many smiles with music with laughing about that

Which only the two of us could secretly understand

Two hearts in synch filling one seat where we sat

You told me that I had changed torment into a heavenly life

Made you feel what you thought you could never feel

Even asked me so sweetly if I would become your wife

A moment that felt so genuinely heart stopping surreal

Now I will wish a Happy Birthday to you wherever you are

Gazing up at our star with a glowing beautiful moon

Believing you are up there still there as my shining star

Saying goodbye holds heartbreak so I say I'll see you soon

Thank you for helping me when I needed your help the most

 

A Few Months

It's been some time since the news was told to me. Although I have cried, regretted, kicked myself, part of me still doesn't believe.

I love him, still.

That is the part that lives for certain.

When something catches my attention, I still pause. A slight gasp. Often, I have to find a place to hide, hating to cry in public. The tears happen, unable to stop them. I cry for Steve. For what we could have had. For what we should have had. 

A few months, or years or however long. It's still there.

Tonight, I play his music, I gaze at his photos, I talk to him out loud, I tell my puppy about him. Letting the tears for him course down my face for him. For the loss I feel. For the torment he felt. 

For him.

For me.

For us.

For what might have been.

It's an indulgence, I admit, giving in to the passion, the sorrow, the loss, the love. The everything that was him. 

He may feel or have felt the same. Does it really matter? To my broken heart, it does.

It matters when I hear a song

That he used to sing along

It matters when tears wet my face

Missing someone I can't replace

It matters when I envision his grimace

Memories that time cannot erase

It matters when he is in my dreams

How very real it always seems

It matters when I awaken from sleep

Having relived a connection so deep

It matters when I think of the pain

Of his loved ones who still remain

It matters oh yes it matters in my heart & mind

You will be remembered my love though I am left behind